Monday, January 29, 2007

More CUBE

Yes. I said this would be a weekly fixture and I was not lying. You see, unlike some other bloggers I DOOOON'T GET CAWGHT NNNNAPPING!!!!

(Squints madly, clenches fist.)

What's that? No updates for.... a year? Yeah, well, you know that last post about how I bitched about having to mind my grandma? I had to do it again the very next night, after a full day of lying in the backseat of a car while she was driven all over the coast and walking around holding my pants up like an idiot because (due to quite bizarre circumstances) I had shorts two sizes too large and no belt. Plus today I had to re-enroll in TAFE. My will to live might just return sometime soon.

So, yes, more of the highly-acclaimed and -run-away-from Doktor Cube!


(Not written by me. I'm just the messenger.)

Previously on Red Donkey; BETRAYAL. DECEPTION. CONSCRIPTION. CORRUPTION. TREASON. TO BE CONTINUED...

CHAPTER III: The Plot Sickens

Still recovering from his adrenaline pumping betrayal, the Doktorstepped through the door with his kalashnikov mk IIIs (AK MOP AND DRE47) and gazed out upon the great seas of empty space separating himfrom the two parts asbestos nineteen parts unprocessed uranium wall.As he entered the room, he could feel the radiation being reflectedoff his enchanted shield of personal self-engineering back towards thesource of its power. Using the Doktor's CUBE vision, the Doktor couldtell by the sub-molecular structure of the compounds forming in frontof him that his own shield would cause the death of him, too muchradiation being reflected and building up, not enough lame assM-T'ness for all. Without further hesitation, the Doktor opened fireupon the rain black clad government agents that leapt down from theceiling letting loose a barrage of M-16 fire. The Doktor focusedhis mind once again, speeding up the world around him and threw theroom around them up towards the descending soldiers. As a result, theyall came off with N-degree concussion wounds, rendering them all in astate of REM unconsciousness... all Xcept for... ONE. "So DoktorCube," pronounced ONE in rough Australasian Italian, "It has been along time... what, ninety, ninety-four years?" The Doktor replied, "Asalways, your timing is impecable, but ultimately flawed. While youhave kept count, I have kept my identity hidden from all but thosetrusted few whom I trust who reside in the trusted inner circle of atrusted trust of trusted trustees. Your plan has failed to bring myface into the light... figuratively and emotionally. You have failed,and I'm going to show you how." "But you forgot ONE thing...LITERALLY! HAHAHAHAHAHA!" "The end has come ONE. The last time we metyou left your book lying open on your ibex bone table. I took theliberty of finishing it for you... now I am going to show you how itends." With that said, the Doktor threw the pull of gravitysurrounding his intellect centre and landed in a crouched positionfiring at ONE on the wall nearest. ONE flew uponto the ceiling andproduced a set of desert eagles equipped with secondary fire grenadelaunchers. "You like that trick?," ONE gloated. "It's something Ipicket up in Baghdad." "They sell that crap at the airport," repliedthe Doktor. Streaks of ammunition were raking the walls with the typeof fury that only comes from solitary confinement with nothing but afour legged chair with three legs missing. The battle seemed evenlymatched. However, as ONE blew a hole through the wall with a grenadereflected by DRE-47, the Doktor used his gravity bubble to throw ONEthrough the hole, into the marble clad foyeur of his marble cladassociate. Stepping through the smoking rubble over to where ONE nowlay, the Doktor reloaded DRE 47 (AK MOP had not yet been fired) andprepared to obtain the information he required. The Doktor then openedfire upon the traditional but not truthfully unexpected hundred andfifty russian mafia body guards that game pouring out the metaphoricalwoodwork. The Doktor blew them away. Another microphone, reminiscentof the earlier model, came out of the ceiling. "Very well," it said."Your 'old aquaintance' will see you now." The camera dissapeared, andthe Doktor pointed both barrels at ONE, still lying on the ground."Why are you and the 'military' after me? TELL ME! NOW!" The Doktorshot ONE in both emotional centres with unparalelled inaccuracy andrage. However, when the bullets hit, it was not blood that errupted,but time bending plasma, allowing the culprit to bend the fabric oftime around himself and marble. ONE dissapeared. The Doktor spat atthe memory of ONE, not knowing if they would ever meet again. He hopedfor his sake, that his medical skills didn't get any better when thetwo came to klash again. Turning and striding towards the nowmaterialised solid granite elevator doors, the Doktor could not helpbut feel that something was missing-- DAMN! As the elevator doorsopened, an all to familiar face came into perspective and focus... aface the CUBE vision despised. The Doktor tensed his war machine asall the images of his past flashed before him, to his most recentrelated memory when all things considered..."DOKTOR CUBE, WELCOME BACK! I'm sorry to say we'll have to make thisencounter... brief."TO BE CONTINUED

NEXT ON DR CUBE: TURNIN NIGHT GROOVIN INTO FIGHT CLUBBIN

6 comments:

shalengb said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Jared "No Nickname" Hansen said...

Wow. Someone complemented me on my blog! Without specifically referring to my article in any way! And recommending me software for internet browsing, I'm guessing right from the bottom of your spambot hearts.

I feel you've become such a close friend to me... it's going to hurt me to delete your spam shit.

Go to chathamben.blogspot.com, bot!

Youth of Australia said...

Jeez, no one can take a joke nowadays...

Jared "No Nickname" Hansen said...

A joke? A JOKE?!

(*Pulls out anti-aircraft weaponry*)

Fuck off.

Youth of Australia said...

Put that anti-aircraft weaponary down, you'll have someone's eye out!

You sounded just like Colin Baker then.

Youth of Australia said...

Brilliant Ghost light ref, though.