Damnit, the golden days of CTRL+V are at an end...
DEL-TECH BREAK ROOM
(The Doctor is in the same position as before, but now Scott’s place has been taken by Larkhill, while Scott stands slightly behind her and to her side. Clearly we’re in the middle of another interrogation.)
THE DOCTOR: Look, I was under attack by the androids - if I'm with Lytton why would I be fighting his robots?
LARKHILL: From what we hear this Lytton isn't a man to be trusted. Maybe he double-crossed you.
THE DOCTOR: Ah, but if he DID double-cross me I'd have told you everything I know by now, so you'd catch him and end his plans.
LARKHILL: Would you? Or would you try and fob us off with some 'innocent bystander' routine, hope for a release, then track down Lytton later and meet him on your own terms?
THE DOCTOR: No. Not my style at all.
LARKHILL: We only have your word for that.
THE DOCTOR: Sorry, do I need to draw a diagram? Maybe THEN you'll see how pointless this all is? I know Lytton. Well enough to know that whatever he's doing here is going to be a genius act of ruthlessness, and unless you stop questioning me and get working on it right now, he'll have you all trapped.
LARKHILL: He has no way of knowing we're on his trail - you're just playing for time.
THE DOCTOR: Captain, I wouldn’t be surprised if by now Lytton knows which school you went to, let alone that you're following him.
LARKHILL: (Disbelieving) Really?
THE DOCTOR: He'll have the floor plans of this building. He'll have the numbers and positions of soldiers on duty here. He'll have a way past the alarms, he'll have a flawless exit strategy. He'll have the best men and the best equipment. You can only hope to stop him, with my help
LARKHILL: You think he's that good?
(The Doctor nods)
LARKHILL: Then I look forward to meeting him.
(Larkhill stands to leave)
THE DOCTOR: So, a commanding officer with a death wish. Wouldn't want to be in your shoes right now, Sergeant.
SCOTT: There's no call for that!
THE DOCTOR: Even if it's true? Welcoming an enemy who can destroy you with open arms - seems quite clear cut to me.
(Larkhill glares back at the Doctor. The Doctor got a nerve but she’s not about to show it)
LARKHILL: Do you want to help us?
THE DOCTOR: Yes.
THE DOCTOR: Because I hate to see lives being thrown away, and frankly from where I'm sitting I can see a bloodbath on the horizon.
(There is a pause. Larkhill still doesn’t trust him.)
THE DOCTOR: Lytton's been here for... what? A year?
LARKHILL: That's when he surfaced.
THE DOCTOR: He doesn't play games. By now he should have everything he needs. Been any research facilities raided in the last few months?
THE DOCTOR: There you go. And if he's flagging down passing time travellers like he seems to be he's clearly not short of equipment.
SCOTT: This is a waste of time, cap'n, it's a load of guesswork.
LARKHILL: You forgot to say "with all due respect", Scott.
SCOTT: Yeah, well, with all due respect he just wants to keep us busy while he talks-
(Scott wearily salutes)
LARKHILL: (to Doctor) Continue.
THE DOCTOR: That means that what's he's after is something that's being used here, a commodity. Something valuable. If you want to argue the point that if he's getting something valuable for any hypothetical alien clients you're barking up the wrong tree - he has humans working for him.
LARKHILL: And you know that how?
THE DOCTOR: He wouldn't trust other aliens for company – he wants to get things done so he wants a bunch of primates he can impress with his tricks and can be relied on to impress him back. So if he has humans working for him he needs something they'd value. Gold? Not for a second. Valuable but scientifically useless. Plutonium, uranium? A more likely candidate, could be very valuable overseas... but even if there were some here, right in the heart of London there wouldn't be enough to shift at a decent price. So it's something else... but something that he’d want as well… (Realising) Weaponry? Laser technology....
(The Doctor thinks a moment, before suddenly slamming his palm against the table and yelling)
THE DOCTOR: Diamonds!
(Lytton dumps a pair of large canvas carpet bags on the floor)
LYTTON: Hurry up and get changed. We haven't got much time.
RUSSELL: We're on a schedule, then, are we?
(Lytton gives him a cold look that says "You are an idiot and you're lucky I'm putting up with you", before disappearing back into the corridor again. Russel opens one of the bags and pulls out a boiler suit and a mining helmet. Looking very unimpressed he starts to put them on. Payne and Griffiths take a pair and talk to one another as they do so.)
GRIFFITHS: (to himself, awestruck) Twenty thousand quid in uncut diamonds...
PAYNE: Tasty, innit?
GRIFFITHS: I mean, twenty thousand quid...
GRIFFITHS: In diamonds!
GRIFFITHS: Twenty thousand...
PAYNE: (Slightly sullen) Yeah, but five thousand really... once we split 'em.
GRIFFITHS: Five grand's nothing to sneeze at, Joe.
(Payne doesn't look too happy with this argument, but currently says nothing. Griffiths suddenly realises something.)
GRIFFITHS: Oh, heck!
(He stops half-way through kitting up in his suit and fumbles around in his clothes until he pulls out a large, chunky mobile phone. Russell, now finished changing, is surprised to see it.)
RUSSELL: What's that?
PAYNE: One of them new mobile phones. Boss nicked a few for us - stay in contact easy.
(Griffiths has finished dialling a number and waits a few moments before he gets a response)
GRIFFITHS: Ma? It's Charlie... yeah, I know you know it's me...
RUSSELL: (unbelieving) His mum?
(Payne rolls his eyes in return. Griffiths walks away from the pair of them, looking irritated.)
GRIFFITHS: Look, I'll be back later than I thought... yeah, Crowley's wife's off sick so I'll be doing his shift..
RUSSELL: (to Payne) Who's Crowley?
PAYNE: His mate at the bottling plant.
RUSSELL: What bottling plant?
PAYNE: The one he made up.
GRIFFITHS: Can't you go down to the shops?...well, I'm busy... yeah, right I'll see what I can do. Love you.
(Griffiths tries to ignore their amused expressions.)
GRIFFITHS: We'll need to get some milk afterwards.
(Russell can't help himself and bursts out laughing. He doesn't notice Lytton coming in behind him)
LYTTON: Something amusing, Mr Russell?
(Russell snaps straight instantly)
RUSSELL: No, boss.
LYTTON: Glad to hear it. Get your helmet on, Mr Griffiths. It's time.
DELTECH BREAK-OUT ROOM
(The Doctor is looking through some paperwork which is piled up in front of him, Scott is nearby idly reading a newspaper. A private enters and dumps another small load of paperwork in front of the Doctor, before leaving wordlessly)
SCOTT: That should be the last lot.
THE DOCTOR: Yes. Well, it’s a start.
(Scott is irritated. He folds the paper for a moment.)
SCOTT: That paperwork has been looked over by UNIT’s entire UK intelligence division. Do you really think you can find any patterns they missed?
THE DOCTOR: Your captain seemed to think so.
SCOTT: The captain may think a lot of things, but I’m not so easy to impress.
THE DOCTOR: Former regular-army, Scott?
SCOTT: I might be.
THE DOCTOR: Well, it would explain a lot. (Pause) When do I get some tea?
SCOTT: When I know I can trust you.
THE DOCTOR: What am I going to do? Steal your saucer?
(Scott ignores him and goes back to his paper. The Doctor gives a slightly crazed grin, apparently to himself)
DELTECH WAREHOUSE OFFICE
(A small, very dim office, almost certainly meant for the warehouse manager. Right now Larkhill is the occupant of the office, but there is a lot of laddish decoration on the walls in the form of a car posters and a bikini-clad model calendar. The only personal touch of Larkhill’s is a silver-framed photo of an older man in full dress uniform, which see is currently cradling upward in her hands and looking at silently. When the door opens she rather too quickly puts the photo back onto her desk and faces the newcomer: it is Professor Mortimer.)
LARKHILL: Professor. Can I help you?
MORTIMER: Possibly. I have been on the phone to my solicitor… he says there is no legal precedent for an international organisation to assume control of an independent non-government workplace.
LARKHILL: Then he’s not a member of the Official Secrets Act, clearly.
MORTIMER: Nevertheless I have been… re-considering our current arrangement.
LARKHILL: Is this to do with the idea of aliens?
MORTIMER: I thought you people were from the United Nations! Officials!
LARKHILL: We are.
MORTIMER: Are you trying to tell me the United Nations have an official chapter dedicated to paranormal investigation?
LARKHILL: That’s exactly what I’m saying.
MORTIMER: With all due respect, the entire concept is completely absurd.
LARKHILL: You’ll find plenty of people who agree – a lot them in UNIT itself. But aliens are all around us Professor.
MORTIMER: One never hears of aliens in the news!
LARKHILL: A large part of our work. We don’t want to spread panic.
MORTIMER: And that is the risk?
LARKHILL: Yes. We estimate 96% of the aliens we encounter are hostile.
MORTIMER: What a dim view of the universe…
LARKHILL: One you’re not prepared to accept?
(A pause. The silence is broken when Scott comes running into the room.)
(Larkhill is irritated at the interruption.)
SCOTT: The alien-
LARKHILL: Has escaped?
(Scott fumbles embarrassedly.)
SCOTT: He… was there one moment and…
(Silently he passes Larkhill a card. She reads it.)
LARKHILL: “When I ask for tea, I MEAN it.”
(Peri and Carver, as before)
PERI: There don't seem to be many scientist around here.
CARVER: Most of them have been given the day off.
PERI: By you guys? That seem extreme.
CARVER: Nobody likes civilians around when there's work to be done... present company excepted of course.
PERI: Sorry to be a burden...
THE DOCTOR (VO) Don't be!
(The Doctor comes crashing through the kitchen's double doors and pushes Carver aside. She nearly falls to the ground)
PERI: Doctor! You got out!
THE DOCTOR: Don't say you doubted it for a second?
(Peri hugs him)
PERI: Oh, of course not!
(Carver is back on her feet and has picked up the rifle. She brandishes it at the Doctor.)
CARVER: Stop! You're a prisoner, an alien, and I'm not afraid to shoot!
(The Doctor resignedly puts his hands up)
THE DOCTOR: There's no need for that, I can see the game's up. (Over Carver's shoulder) Nice to see you again, Captain!
(Carver turns around, and as soon as she does so the Doctor picks up a pan and bops her over the head - Carver is knocked straight out. The Doctor looks down at her and tisks.)
THE DOCTOR: Makes you wonder what they teach them in basic training these days...
PERI: Hey! She was nice.
THE DOCTOR: She’s military, Peri. They’re trained for this sort of thing! Anyway, work to be done! Raus!
(The Doctor drags Peri out of the room.)
(The gang are trudging through - Lytton in the lead followed by Griffiths, Payne, and finally Russell. Russell stops suddenly.)
RUSSELL: Hey, hold up!
(They stop. Payne leans against the wall for a rest and instinctively reaches for his cigarette pack, but Lytton angrily pushes him back upright and rounds on Russell.)
LYTTON: What is it now?
RUSSELL: Thought I heard something.
GRIFFITHS: Like, someone following us?
RUSSELL: No, something strange...
(There is a moment of silence where the gang, save Lytton, all listen carefully. Lytton breaks the silence.)
LYTTON: I can't hear anything.
RUSSELL: Yeah, well, it's gone now.
(Lytton looks distinctly unimpressed)
LYTTON: Then what's there to worry about? We keep moving.
(They move on but Russell continues to look nervous. The camera settles on one of the nearby tunnels, which emits a low flash ominously. The silhouette of a cyberman appears briefly in the flash.)
CYBERMAN (VO) Target humans sighted. Intercept?
CYBERLEADER (VO) Negative. Interception will occur at specified time. Maintain covert surveillance.
(The Doctor comes through the door, looking slightly disappointed.)
THE DOCTOR: He didn’t even lock the door! What an amateur.
(The Doctor begins dumping items from his pockets on the Professor’s desk. Peri comes in after him.)
PERI: Doctor, what are we doing here? Shouldn’t we be getting out?
THE DOCTOR: We leave now we’ll still be a step behind Lytton.
PERI: Who is Lytton?
THE DOCTOR: A murderer.
THE DOCTOR: You wouldn’t like him. And now he seems to be doing a line in alien invasions.
PERI: Invasions? Doctor this is all so confusing…
(The Doctor has finished unloading items. There is a pile of strange devices and computer chips and cables on Mortimer’s desk.)
THE DOCTOR: I know. That’s why I want some answers. I have here the items from the inventory of Lytton’s robberies… save some Tarradanium isotopes recovered from one of the Mars probes and they aren’t exactly easy to get on this planet… what I want to do is a little experiment to see just what I can do with these…
(The Doctor points to Mortimer’s computer)
THE DOCTOR: And that. Soon we’ll know just what Lytton has to use against us.
(The gang have come to a long wall.)
RUSSELL: That’s the wall, then?
LYTTON: Your powers of observation are remarkable, Mr Russell.
(Russell peers at a map using a torch)
RUSSELL: And… (pointing) that would be the bearing up there?
(Russell unhitches his backpack and lowers it onto the ground, before leaning up against the wall behind him. Lytton glares at him.)
LYTTON: What are you waiting for?
(Lytton picks the backpack up and thrusts it into Russell’s arms.)
LYTTON: You can breath and work.
(Russell looks nervous once again. He clearly doesn’t want to lay the explosives.)
RUSSELL: Right you are, boss.
(Russell moves to the wall and unloads the plastique from the backpack, and begins setting it up on the centre of the wall.)
(The Doctor has finished making his attachments to Mortimer's Computer. It now has a tangle of wires and gadgets sprouting from the back, looking like an abstract piece of art itself)
THE DOCTOR: Right... a temporal phase relay transponder!
PERI: And that is what exactly?
THE DOCTOR: Erm... not sure. I've never used one before.
PERI: But...you just built it.
THE DOCTOR: The people who built armoured tanks thought they were for carrying water! The means and the ends are two totally different things. Now... what does Lytton's box of tricks do, exactly?
(The Doctor goes to activate it.)
(Russel is setting the explosives by the wall. The rest of the gang stand further down the tunnel, watching him from around a corner. Payne is weighing his rifle carefully.)
LYTTON: Have you ever fired one before, Mr Payne?
PAYNE: No. But I'm a fast learner.
GRIFFITHS: Everyone's a fast learner for this kinda dosh.
PAYNE: We stick together, right?
LYTTON: Of course.
(Russel has finished setting the charge and runs back to the rest of the gang.)
RUSSEL: (to Lytton) Don't what anyone behind your back, is that it?
LYTTON: I don't think that's really my concern, Mr Russell. Nor yours... while you have work to do.
(The Doctor has activated the devices and is peering at the monitor, which is hazy and chaotic)
THE DOCTOR: A visualizer... probably more.
PERI: You can see through the rift?
THE DOCTOR: Sort of. The reception, however, is less than impressive... if I can alter the frequency...
(The Doctor adjusts some make-shift controls. Suddenly the air is filled with a strange wailing noise, and we see the same blue crystalline figures that called out to Lytton earlier - through a haze of interference.)
PERI: Blue people? That's the big threat?
THE DOCTOR: Possibly...
(Russel has the remote-control switch in his hand, his thumb hovering over the button. He spares a glance at Lytton, who glares at him impatiently.)
LYTTON: I'm not giving you my written invitation, Russel.
(As the Doctor alters the frequency, the picture begins to phase out, becoming darker.)
PERI: You're losing it, Doctor...
THE DOCTOR: Actually, I don't think so. Yes, it's dark... but there's less interference. Which suggests we're at a closer frame of reference. This end of the rift. Where we should see... oh no.
THE DOCTOR: I should have known...
(Russel finally presses the switch)
(Two UNIT soldiers who are sitting on a pair of crates and playing cards are suddenly knocked off by a massive explosion. Alarm bells start echoing around them. One of the soldiers, dishevelled and bloodied, crawls across the floor and picks up a rifle thrown by the blast. As he turns around to take aim, he is met by heavy machine guy fire)
(The Doctor jumps up, hearing the alarms.)
THE DOCTOR: Peri, WHAT DID YOU DO?
PERI: You're the one messing with his machine!
THE DOCTOR: That can't be it! I disconnected it from the security system I NEVER make those sort of-
(The door is barged down, Larkhill, Scott and Mortimer all come through - Larkhill and Scott both have guns out. Peri and the Doctor immediately put their hands up at the sight)
LARKHILL: What's going on here?
MORTIMER: (Horrified) What have you done to my computer?!
THE DOCTOR: Two very good questions-
SCOTT: Shut it!
(LARKHILL pulls out a pair of handcuffs and moves towards them)
LARKHILL: Due to Sgt Scott's previous example, I'll be putting you both in my own custody. Now, maybe you can tell me-
(She stops dead when she sees the monitor. Peri follows her gaze.)
PERI: Yeah, what are those things?
(For the first time the camera shows the monitor. In an area clearly part of the sewers there is a large metal frame, containing a man-sized blue void. And out of it is marching a steady stream of familiar metal warriors.)
LARKHILL: (In shock) Cybermen.
SCOTT: The Cybermen?!
THE DOCTOR: I'm afraid so.
PERI: That's bad, isn't it?
LARKHILL: (Horrified, to the Doctor) You're working for the Cybermen!
THE DOCTOR: What?! I've never heard anything so ridiculous!
(Some more UNIT soldiers arrive in the doorway)
LARKHILL: (pointing at the Doctor) He's a traitor!
(The Soldiers nod, and aim their rifles...)
BILL BAILEY: Shit, cliffhanger ending! Er, quick, go to the theme-tune!
SOMEONE FROM BLAKE'S 7
(No, not her from Runaway Bride!)
The Cyber Controller
(See? I can be sad and fanwank obsessed too!)
Copyright Completely Fictitious BBC Productions c.1983
END OF EPISODE ONE