Wednesday, April 4, 2007

No Matter how Much it Sucks...

People who come here looking for fresh updates will note the similarity between the activity and investigating a brick wall for signs of entropy. Or maybe not, as maybe they haven't been locked in as many basements as myself. Anyway, recently it's been various things:

*I've been more interested in sleep over just about anything else

*I lived with my brother for half a week, and to survive I was forced to adopt his lifestyle of doing very little but watching US TV shows on the Xbox

*I AM IRONMAN! Haha, not really...

..actually, what the hell am I doing dot point for? Am I that sickeningly desperate for laughs to gratify my ego that I purposefully write articles to implement lists for increasingly outlandish hyperbole to mercilessly try and attain humour?... yes. I am.

But, really, a list isn't needed. My TAFE work has been very annoying, a large part of it being that my "Programming" course has involved an amazing amount of material that isn't involved in programming and, furthermore, I already know and understand. And the actual material related to programming requires work on programs for programming that most people won't have and aren't easy to get. After downloading some I found a problem I hadn't counted on: my computer sucks.

Yeah, I talk a good nerd, but pop the bonnet and you'll realise my lack of cred is only bested by Vanilla Ice and/or Steve Urkel. To my shock, the program refused point blank to work - I only have Windows XP, not Windows XP SP2. Those three characters make a world of difference. This would probably be to do with the fact that I updated my PC precisely once after having bought it: this in turn to do with the fact that the only games I ever buy tend to be at least 2 years old and on discount (from a marked price of about $10)

For those of you interested in the VITAL statistics:

CPU: Erm, 1GHz? Athlon. Maybe
RAM: 512.. billion?
HDD: 36GB.
PORN: 10GB.
3D: True.
SPEAKERS: Two of them.
ISAs: 8 billion.
WinGHEIMMER-THRUSH RATIO: 0.5
DISKS: One CD, one DVD, and two hundred floppies under the desk.
CHAIR: Ergonomically sound blue adjustable office chair complete with swivel.
CUPHOLDER: No.

Yes. It is THE ULTIMATE GAMING MACHINE (of 2003). But in spite of its indescribable shoddiness, it turns on, runs, and does everything I need. Well, I can't use Office on it (don't ask) and I'm not allowed to have the net on it or anything like that and I can't access the local network from it and I can't really have the games I want installed on it because they take up too much space and the CPU can't handle playing Ultima VII through an emulator but BASICALLY, on the most basic level, it serves my needs.

Or at least it did. Then I decided to install Windows XP SP2.

"Don't try to change me, baby." That's what my computer would have said if it could speak. Unfortunately, it was unable to. And now it's dead like a motherfucker.

What's the moral of this? I don't know. Never change anything? Always vote conservative? Take your own message away, Gerard Henderson. The point really is that it, undoubtedly, 'sucks'. As defined by Cohlmann's 12th law of Social Wellbeing:

Whereupon a change occurs in a lifestyle unpredictably, the mind subconsciously measures the personal benefits, against personal deficit. If the deficit is greater, the mind experiences a lack of buouyancy and introverts. This is "sucking". If a time is reached whereupon there are no clear personal benefits against the deficit, this negativity is released, which is termed as "blowing".

See, to add to this I have discovered that my Flash Drive is completely incompatible with our other computer. This basically means I can't access any of my files at home. What happens at TAFE, stays at TAFE.

Of course, a sense of perspective is always needed. That's where a friend of mine comes in who, for the purposes of this discussion, I will call "Adam".


Artists depiction


As is my way with my close, personal friends, I abuse Adam at great length, utterly unnecessarily, until he submits to my might and our conversation can become more informal. Eventually I ask him why I haven't heard about him since we saw The Prestige to satiate our Hugh Jackman related yearnings.

What he tells me, I have no choice but to laugh at uproariously to the heavens for several minutes at, for which I should probably apologise for. Ahem. (Sorry) Anyway, here's the story: as I keep contact with my friends mostly through MSN, I have been unable to reach Adam, as he's taken to going on MSN at 1 am. Why? Because he has no choice. Why? God, let me finish!

In the kind of wisdom that only parents could possess, Adam's father has put a password lock onto their home computer, just in case he meets any girls interstate online and runs away to live with them happily ever after. Insane paranoia? Er, probably, though it has happened before. Adam, of course, is smart enough to work the password out, but can only get online when his parents are asleep. I forgot to mention the brightside to him, that he can look up as much porn as humanly possible, blatantly leave the evidence, and his father would be the only logical suspect. BOOYAH! Get onto that one, buddy!

And of course, after this I thought: Yeah, I can't use my computer. But then here's one of my best friends, who doesn't even have a computer (family PC), and has been blocked from accessing the only one that he has at hand. Proving yet again to me that no matter how much it sucks, things can always suck harder.

(In Adam's case, maybe he should be a Zimbabwean pen-pal. And then enjoy having all of his own limbs!)

Bloody hell, that was a self-indulgent entry...

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