Thursday, September 20, 2007

Attack of the Cybermen: Deleted Scene?

In all likelihood, yes, very deleted. This is a scene ostensibly from Episode 3, that I like but probably fits the rest of a story like Bryan Mannix's pants fit Alan Brough. As always, I will inform you why the following is crap, just in case you can't see it for yourself...

I wanted to do a tribute scene to just how frigging retarded UNIT could be, and were, during the Pertwee era of the show. Specifically, the late Pertwee era when they spend a bewildering amount of time in plain clothes, gasping in shock at stuff, being made fun of by basically every irritating guest star and generally being prats.

This is problematic, as a harking-back to how utterly, incredibly pathetic they were circa 1973 is a bit odd, when the rest of my story tries to re-invent them a little bit, as people who actually understand and know how to fight aliens. And Episode 3 is an odd point for this particular piece of tomfoolery. Of course, it's small-scale compared to the indignities of The Green Death and, in their defense, they have just lost their base to the most terrifying of alien menaces.

Anyway, here it is:

EXT. CAFE (DAY)

(The same street-side cafe that the Doctor and Peri were at earlier - now their seats are occupied by Larkhill and Russell. They are both sans-caps but in their slightly grubby fatigues, staring into the distance. However, they attract no attention - this is a place that has had the Doctor and his technicolour dream coat earlier in the day, after all...)

LARKHILL: It's strange, isn't it?

RUSSELL: What is?

LARKHILL: All these people here. To them this is just another day. Another day of... bills. Working hours. Commuting. Petrol prices. Normal things. We live in different worlds, Lieutenant. Right now I almost wish I could live in theirs..

RUSSELL: You won't in about half-an-hour's time.

(Larkhill nods sombrely)

LARKHILL: True.

(Carver emerges from inside the cafe, awkwardly balancing a cup of tea that is filled to the very brim of the cup. She manages to navigate to the table, though, and looks suitably serious when she addresses Larkhill)

CARVER: Ma'am. Command appreciate the level of emergency..

LARKHILL: But?

CARVER: But... there's no way they can spin an airborne payload being dropped onto Deltech.

(Carver sits herself down.)

RUSSELL: I can't say I'm particularly surprised...

LARKHILL: What else did they say?

CARVER: Colonel Crawford will be here tomorrow to assume command of operations in the city.

LARKHILL: Tomorrow? We've got to deal with this now. We can't just sit around..

(She trails off as Carver sips her drink.)

LARKHILL: Is that tea?

CARVER (deadpan) The phone was paying customers only, ma'am. Did you want me to get you one?

LARKHILL: Damn it all to hell, we're a professional organisation!

CARVER: Well, so are they, ma'am. Command expected you to make the call, ma'am.

RUSSELL: Rank has it's priviledges, Corporal. Like not looking a complete fool in public. (Looking to Larkhill) Fall out?

(Larkhill nods. They all get up to leave and gradually begin walking down the street.)

CARVER: So what now, ma'am?

LARKHILL: I've got command of all forces in the city for the rest of the day and I intend to use it. We're going to call in the Battersea barracks - that's at least two dozen good men. First things first, though, I need to get ahold of whichever Regular Army stooge shows up at Deltech first and take command from them. It shouldn't be hard - only an idiot would want it.


And then there was meant to be a bit where Carver asked about leaving a tip, but that was WAAAY too goofy so that's gone.

Verdict?

5 comments:

Youth of Australia said...

Well, there are a few lines I'd changed("Right now I almost wish I could live in theirs...")

But all in all, my biggest issue is this: if half way through part three everyone pops out for a coffee, we're losing a fair bit of tension here.

Maybe it would be best as an epilogue to the story (maybe with the Doctor and Peri vanishing and leaving Larkhill with the bill).

Meantime, I've put some more stuff on my own blog.

Jared "No Nickname" Hansen said...

Well, there are a few lines I'd changed("Right now I almost wish I could live in theirs...")

Do you mean to say "I'd have changed", or do you edit absolutely everything I write the moment you see it?

But all in all, my biggest issue is this: if half way through part three everyone pops out for a coffee, we're losing a fair bit of tension here.

Yeah, I know - it's one of those things when I'm desperately trying to work out what the hell I do with the UNIT characters while everyone else is on Telos... I mean, for my current plan they need to escape, which is hard enough to work out, but then need to work a defense and.. gargh!

The moral of the story is don't base your entire plot around Cybermen lurking pointlessly in the sewers for nearly-the-entirety just because that's how Saward did it. The git.

It's also a little bit annoying that I'm so good at these moments of whimsy when Attack and Varos are so doomladen.

Maybe it would be best as an epilogue to the story (maybe with the Doctor and Peri vanishing and leaving Larkhill with the bill).

Damnit you're right - this wouldn't be so frustrating if I hadn't already written pretty much the entire ending.

Meantime, I've put some more stuff on my own blog.

Warchief stuff? Very, very good. The definitive article, I should say. I can't comment on it properly, though - my mum needs the computer.

Youth of Australia said...

Do you mean to say "I'd have changed", or do you edit absolutely everything I write the moment you see it?
Slip of the keyboard, I assure you.

I don't have the mental focus to perform any rewrites on anything at the moment.

Yeah, I know - it's one of those things when I'm desperately trying to work out what the hell I do with the UNIT characters while everyone else is on Telos... I mean, for my current plan they need to escape, which is hard enough to work out, but then need to work a defense and.. gargh!
Well, I'd just have them marched to a conversion factory, stage an escape, run up and down corridors, whoops, episode three finished.

The moral of the story is don't base your entire plot around Cybermen lurking pointlessly in the sewers for nearly-the-entirety just because that's how Saward did it. The git.
Well, Ian Levine helped.

{{Brought to you by Be Nice To Saward Day}}

It's also a little bit annoying that I'm so good at these moments of whimsy when Attack and Varos are so doomladen.
Part 1 of Attack was pretty cheerful. Considering Lytton's in it, it's impressive there's any comedy. The closest I could manage was some trippy music clips...

Damnit you're right - this wouldn't be so frustrating if I hadn't already written pretty much the entire ending.
Oh. Didn't know that.

Warchief stuff? Very, very good. The definitive article, I should say. I can't comment on it properly, though - my mum needs the computer.
Maybe sometime Cam will tell you WHY I'm putting so much stuff up on the blog. I'd tell you, but I think I'm being followed.

Jared "No Nickname" Hansen said...

I don't have the mental focus to perform any rewrites on anything at the moment.

I know the feeling all too well. Get well soon!

Well, I'd just have them marched to a conversion factory, stage an escape, run up and down corridors, whoops, episode three finished.

You'll be getting co-writing credit soon...

Well, Ian Levine helped.

{{Brought to you by Be Nice To Saward Day}}


Oh? Did you see the post I made listing every Baker-era cock-up of his in the Classic Series forum?

Tomorrow, of course, is a brand new day..

Part 1 of Attack was pretty cheerful.

That was deliberate on my part - nobody wants a dark, gritty episode to kick off a season. In DW anyway...

Oh. Didn't know that.

Oh, I'm sure it could do with re-writing...

The ending I did pretty early - because I thought the lack of one was the original's biggest problem.

Maybe sometime Cam will tell you WHY I'm putting so much stuff up on the blog. I'd tell you, but I think I'm being followed.

Massively cryptic. And I see you HAVE been busy...

Youth of Australia said...

I know the feeling all too well. Get well soon!
It's not something you can get well from...

You'll be getting co-writing credit soon...
Or else a restraining order.

Oh? Did you see the post I made listing every Baker-era cock-up of his in the Classic Series forum?
Fraid not.

Tomorrow, of course, is a brand new day..
Hehehehehehe.

That was deliberate on my part - nobody wants a dark, gritty episode to kick off a season. In DW anyway...
Guess so.

Oh, I'm sure it could do with re-writing...
If you say so.

The ending I did pretty early - because I thought the lack of one was the original's biggest problem.
Everything just blew up...

Massively cryptic. And I see you HAVE been busy...
It's been a bad day...

BEN CHATHAM: All the cards are in my favor, and I have an unbeatable ally.
DAVE: Who? Lucy?
BEN CHATHAM: Not Lucy. Lucifer.
Andrew, Dave and Nigel exchange looks.
BEN CHATHAM: I am in league with Lucifer, Satan, the Fallen Angel. The Devil himself.
ANDREW: I dunno about you, but my respect for the Prince of Darkness just dropped a fair bit.
BEN CHATHAM: You don't believe me?
DAVE: Benji, I wouldn't believe you if you said Chris Lilley was a transvestite!