Thursday, September 6, 2007

An Open Letter to 'Comedian' Chris Lilley

Okay, this letter can be summed up in the two following phrases, "You are not funny" and "Please fuck right off" However, being a longwinded fellow I'll go into it a little further.

Congratulations are clearly in order Chris Lilley. As one of the great mass of people with absolutely no skills in any fields who dream so, you have achieved your dream of making money from precisely zero effort. I can't begrudge you that. However, I want you to place a complete media-gag on yourself in all ways possible from now. I don't want to see any interviews with you, any photos of you anywhere, and sure as fuck none of those ads for your terrible, terrible show.

What's that? How do you keep your profile high? You won't need to. The warped and twisted people who find you dressing up as women and abusing disabled people know who you are. It won't matter if the ABC stores never put you up on the shelves. The raincoat-wearing weirdoes who want to buy your gear can just sidle up to the counter and murmur "I'm looking for some CL" with a wink, while the guy behind the counter slides across the DVD inside a brown paper bag. You know, the same way they sell Kath & Kim.

If you think you're going to reach a bigger crowd, Lilley, forget it. Well, no, I won't say that because if I set that in stone you'll become bigger than Thank God You're Here, in which case I'll have to find some way of leaving this country forever. But I wager you won't. Because, face it, you've got nothing. K&K, as utterly execrable as they are in every way, are at least lampooning something. Well, trying to. Whilst just being enjoyed as frothy entertainment by the very same losers they take the piss out of, their heart's in the right place. Well it was. Once upon a time...

Never mind that, the point is, Lilley-liver, you really don't have any ideas behind your work. Yes, I know how it happened - you watched The Office and realised that awkward, stop-pause low-budget mockumentary comedy was coming in in a big way. You then figured, somehow, that removing everything vaguely clever about The Office and replacing it with yourself in drag and making fun of minorities, would make it hilarious. At some point you pulled the number 'six' out of your arse and decided to have that number of characters, and then that you would play them all yourself, in spite of having a hugely distinctive face with a bent nose and "punch my head in please" written all over it. In spite of this, nearly every critic's review of We Can Be Heroes agreed that only ONE of those six characters was actually funny - and here's a hint, it wasn't you squinting your eyes covered in fake tan pretending to be an Asian genius.

So now the inevitable has happened and you've got another season. And you're being interviewed in The Guide and, lo and behold, it unveils you as an even bigger tool than I thought possible! You talk about 'spending ages on the script'? Holy shit, I wouldn't admit to that in your shoes. Look at the line-up of your new show - it's you as three characters, of course... a) Ja'amie, the one character anyone liked from your last series, b) A stereotypical ethnic kid and c) Mr G, the gay Drama teacher. Wow. You must have spent hours working on breaking that fresh ground. What's more you then admit that Mr G is a character YOU'VE PLAYED FOR YEARS! So the one new innovation is you in a curly-wig and more fake tan pretending to breakdance. Lord, give me strength.

This is why I'm appealing to you, Chris, for my sake but also for yours. The more publicity gets out, the more people will realise what a complete and utter tool you are, and also that you don't look anything at all like a teenaged schoolgirl/asian scientist/Tongan breakdancer/middle aged housewife/ anyone who isn't a time-wasting prick whose face you impulsively want to bash in.

Now, where the fuck is the next season of DOUBLE THE FIST?

3 comments:

Youth of Australia said...

You keep stealing thoughts out of my head...

I had a very similar conversation with my dad today (about Chris Lilley, my dad hasn't started a shithouse mockmumentary), where he noted that Summer Hieghts was funnier than We Can Be Heroes, but... that doesn't say much.

Unlike Kath and Kim, I 'got' the joke straight away.

I just didn't find it funny (which is different to finding it UNfunny).

The worst bit was that having created these characters, they did sweet FA. Even Ja'mie, look at the first scene with her. Look at the last scene with her. Are you surprised? It's just the same half-funny 'gag' every single week with no variation whatsoever.

At least Little Britain kept upping the ante by putting the characters in different situations and giving a pay off at the end of the series. They tried to push the envelope.

Look at the Efnic kid. Is he going to do anything interesting next week? No, I think he pretty much used up all his potential in the first episode, and by the end of it that LOVELY revelation that he LIKES being a fuckwit and does it by choice, well woopdedoo.

I recommend the Chaser plea bargain with the APEC summit and hand over Lilley as Osama Bin Ladin in return for their freedom.

After all, Lilley is SO talented he could clearly pull off appearing as Public Enemy Number One, and his endearing personality would convince everyone he's a terrorist.

However, I really do like Thank God Your Here and my longterm ambition is to get YOA on there...

Jared "No Nickname" Hansen said...

You keep stealing thoughts out of my head...

Phew. I had an insane worry you'd turn out to be fan of his... not that I think you're that type of guy, but we're both so opinionated I think we're logically going to clash royally at some point not involving specific DW/B7 eps..

The worst bit was that having created these characters, they did sweet FA. Even Ja'mie, look at the first scene with her. Look at the last scene with her. Are you surprised? It's just the same half-funny 'gag' every single week with no variation whatsoever.

Ah, well, I didn't actually watch any of SH. Just watched the ads.

I recommend the Chaser plea bargain with the APEC summit and hand over Lilley as Osama Bin Ladin in return for their freedom.

After all, Lilley is SO talented he could clearly pull off appearing as Public Enemy Number One, and his endearing personality would convince everyone he's a terrorist.


This is the best idea I've heard all week.

However, I really do like Thank God Your Here

Wait, did I inadvertently bag them out? Because I love the show as well. It's had a couple of duff moments but it always tries its heart out.. and that one with the Superhero meeting at the end bought it enough goodwill from me for a full season of crap episodes. (Along with every appearance by Tony Martin and Sean Micallef, of course)

my longterm ambition is to get YOA on there...

Do you mean an episode where the team go on the show?

Because I can't work out how the show could have cartoon characters as guests...

Youth of Australia said...

Phew. I had an insane worry you'd turn out to be fan of his... not that I think you're that type of guy, but we're both so opinionated I think we're logically going to clash royally at some point not involving specific DW/B7 eps..
I know. The dirty looks I get just for not worshipping the Great and Bountiful Kath and Kim...

Ah, well, I didn't actually watch any of SH. Just watched the ads.
Smart move on your part.

This is the best idea I've heard all week.
Up against stiff competition.

Wait, did I inadvertently bag them out?
Well, you said,
you'll become bigger than Thank God You're Here, in which case I'll have to find some way of leaving this country forever.

Because I love the show as well. It's had a couple of duff moments but it always tries its heart out.. and that one with the Superhero meeting at the end bought it enough goodwill from me for a full season of crap episodes. (Along with every appearance by Tony Martin and Sean Micallef, of course)
"Ah, Gwendoline, I didn't recognize you with your clothes on! I say, I love what you've done with the place, taking out that wall and putting all those people there..."

Do you mean an episode where the team go on the show?
Yes.

Trouble is, I need someone else to think of the scenario, or it just loses the spontenaeity...

Because I can't work out how the show could have cartoon characters as guests...
They let Andrew Hansen on!