aka. The Easiest Update I've ever made
You go on OG, you're bound to see at least one Spara quote in a signature. But, to my knowledge, they've never been catalogued. Obviously I haven't trawled through every post our favourite [arguably fictitious] delusional fanfic author and 'Whovianologist' has made, as that would take months and all that reamins of my 'life'. But I have a tendency, when I see a corker, to Ctrl+V it into a txt file.
Here is the bounty:
On Adam Rickitt
"To imagine the world without Adam Rickitt is to imagine a bleak, endless desert devoid of all life , water or air and where the sun never rises"
On Proper Behaviour
"The celts knew that the best way to protect yourself from evil spirits is to mimic them by playing tricks. So get out there and egg some windows! [...] It is not anti-social or lower class to play tricks on Halloween. It shows an understanding of celtic mythology."
"[...] the BBC are being ridiculous about this. It's much more wholesome to look at a well-formed arse than to watch gangsters on Eastenders"
"That only serves to demean yourself and make you seem 'council'."
"I didn't mean to inspire you to snort coke. I apologise. "
"Of course I have heard of the living legend Andrew Pixley. I was reading his HUGE mind-bogglingly detailed viewing notes from the new 'The Prisoner' boxset only yesterday. I'd choose him to write my biography."
"I am not an egotistical tosspot. I don't sit here thinking I'm King of the World."
"I am not involved with any organised religion. I am however about to read 'The Da Vinci Code'"
"I cannot help the fact that I'm intelligent as I have said before. Its almost as if the fact that I have a high IQ is something to be ashamed of. "
"I post here for other peoples' benefit not for my own. "
"I take pride in my work. However this does not mean that I am Jordan's bouncing breasts, ripe for squeezing. "
"I'd just like to remind posters that its my BIRTHDAY TODAY!!!!!!!!"
"I am not David Bowie although I have ridden in a white stretch limo. I am not without money."
"Oh - there are a lot of responses which I wish to answer however I'm too tired tonight as I've had a fair amount of port. Will reply tomorrow."
"I have never wanted to insert a vinyl copy of a David Bowie album up my rectum. Such an activity would be impossible to achieve given the dimensions of vinyl LPs."
"I am not friends with Paul McGann although he's welcome to come round for a Christmas sherry & a bit of pork pie if he wants - then we could watch my DVD set of 'The Prisoner'."
"You can only inspire imagination in those who have one, such as myself."
"I don't dance naked down Colchester High Street singing 'Material Girl' while sipping a glass of champagne through a straw."
"I am not at all snobbish - indeed I cannot abide snobbery - the unjustified putting on of airs by those people who are no better than anyone else. It simply makes life more difficult for those of us who are."
"Steady on. I do not hold Nazi beliefs."
"I'm not just some random fan. [...] I am a prolific writer of Doctor Who fiction and I think I have an incisive understanding of the essence of the show."
"Its hard to be humble when you're me. However I will try."
"I have considered writing an academic textbook on the programme, however I haven't the time."
On The New Series
"That is basically what I'm trying to say - I'd rather have no Dr Who than bad Dr Who... "
"And nobody on here had the courtesy to say afterwards 'you were right all along about its over-fast pace & silly humour'."
"Where can I go to pick up my Mickey like 'bit of rough'?"
"Look if you give most UK people what they want as entertainment they'd demand a public execution of a paedophile every week (by slow torture) followed by a film of Wayne Rooney & his girlfriend having it off if full lurid detail."
"Children love anything to do with Black Magic. Hence Harry Potter's success."
On Big Finish
"The above comments are rather myopic. Big Finish produce many audio CDs of variable quality and so the chance of snapping up a whole season of good quality adventures must surely appeal. They must be looking to going into a new series range. I'd love to actually star in them , possibly doing the voice for the monk/Poole."
On David Bowie
"Bowie has not to my knowledge had plastic surgery"
"I think [David Bowie would appear in Revenge of the Sith] since it was a serious film. He'd have been fine as Palpatine"
"I can see the point you are making - Bowie is not in the same league as Olivier , although I've never rated Marlon Brando as an actor given his embarassing performance in films like 'Mutiny on the Bounty' and the overrated nature of 'The Godfather' (stick some cotton wool in your gob & do a cod-Italian accent)"
"There is nothing pornographic about a thread concerning David Bowie as actor."
"Bowie would never agree to play "a violent obese lesbian who eats her own faeces". The part wouldn't suit him."
On The Wonders of The Human Body
"Its vital to get your hands on meaty parts. [NB: Taken completely out of context] "
"I fail to see why large sweaty and plum-like testicles are relevent to this debate"
"That arse is a tad too floppy for my liking."
"Beans are better than dogs, as far as eating is concerned. I wouldn't fancy eating dogs. The police raided a Colchester Chinese takeaway for doing that."
On Russell T. Davies
"I've had a busy few days. I had to go to Cardiff on business. No time to check out the Doctor Who sites. I didn't see RTD, although I looked for him in the street. [...] I wasn't going to shoot him, I wanted to ask him out for a drink to talk about the show."
"I found a really nice bar opposite the Millenium Stadium that I was going to invite RTD to. Really nice food and salad bowls. Still, I can always return there for a weekend break."
God, that turned out longer than I expected!