Thursday, January 24, 2008

A Leaf from the book of the Fishman...

Sparacus has bested himself once more, showing the grossest extent of the "CTRL-V" method of posting, by publishing on his blog a list of his Ben Chatham stories. And then gladly admitting that he didn't even put any effort into it at all. In response, I will post my complete, and purely imaginary, bibliography:

DeBurgo - A series of twelve novels, following the adventures of a brash and daring Australian with a poofy surname whose chaotic adventures take him across every theatre of WWII.

Greenhorne - Exactly the same thing, except it was something I thought of submitting to the BBC Writer's Room - instead it's a pommy kid who joins the army underage and ends up with the Ghurkas. Loosely based on the actual army career of Robert Holmes.

Mycroft - another BBC Writer's Room idea, a 'modern-day' version of the Sherlock Holmes mythos, mirroring those weird-arse Rathbone films set in WWII, a mini-series where Mycroft is the main character, trying to work out how exactly his brother has vanished off the face of the world. Trying to find a way to make it seem not exactly like Jekyll, because then the comparison will make it automatically shit.

Sharkey's War - a spin-off to DeBurgo, but set in the morally muddied hellhole of the Vietnam Wars. Yes, I am insane.

Some guy kicks serious arse in the Seven Years War - working title.

The Hubris Trilogy - an idea for a Sci-Fi trilogy written in 'steeped in mythos' style, on the frontier of human expansion where things have gone terribly, terribly wrong. Yes, chances are that it would be terrible.

The Riding Officer - Well, it's The French Connection set in London and Cornwall in the early 18th Century. Yes, I do have a thing for period action stories, however did you guess? The Boer War could also be cool...

The Cutting Room Floor - a guy's hilariously ill-fated attempts to become an actor. Yes, I have heard of Ricky Gervais.

In the Valley... or something like that - sitcom which has it's idea based soley on the mountains of embarassing true stories from my ultimate inbred hillbilly stereotype. Think Monarch of the Glen set in Australia, only actually funny.

Calypso 5 - a sci-fi that would pretty much be exactly the same as Blakes 7, just with better special effects.

Most Honourable Pete, Ninja-Pirate Detective - ...no comment.

The DVD Store - I'm just going to start listing titles from here on...

The Adventures of Dr Chingo, Foreign Investor
Andrew Morrissey Investigates
The Fool Errant
Iron & Oak
Brotherly War
Conversations with a Messiah
Time Paradox With Extra Salt
The Furore
The Valley of Lost Children
Doctor Who and the Phonecians
Terre Nihilus
The Heretic King
The Return of the Empire
Trojan Bones
Planetcide
The Clouds of Jupiter
The Revenge of the Quarks

That should do for now.

PS - please do not steal these ideas and subsequently profit from them.

3 comments:

Youth of Australia said...

PS - please do not steal these ideas and subsequently profit from them.

How in the name of hell could I possibly do that?

Mind you, summarizing all the crap you never got round to writing is kind of tempting.

I never actually finished "my season 4" but I worked out the whole plot, just found it impossible to transcribe.

Turns out the Stephen Poole analogue (who was a woman in my version) was pissing about with history FOR ABSOLUTELY NO REASON AT ALL.

She just wanted to change everything again and again until the time vortex exploded, with her basic idea being this would allow her to 'unlock' the Time War and give the Doctor a chance to save the Time Lords and all that. She was some kind of alien ally to the Time Lords who went kind of doodally, to the point she thinks "I'll have paid back the favor by saving the Time Lords, even THOUGH the universe ends."

The final straw would be a Sontaran Rutan dogfight over some foreign isle (maybe South America, I dunno) and the Doctor would defeat the horrid woman, but lose his TARDIS (it would fly off to fix the time vortex but for some reason not come back) and the Doctor would die from poison or something, leaving Donna and her little Silurian egg to cope without him.

And that was just episode 12...

Jared "No Nickname" Hansen said...

How in the name of hell could I possibly do that?

Well, I outlined everything so well I figured you could easily Ctrl+V and give an award-winning pitch to the Beeb and be rolling in a pig pen filled with thousand pound notes by next Tuesday..

Mind you, summarizing all the crap you never got round to writing is kind of tempting.

I'm interested in doing a few of them... 'Mycroft' is really strong in my mind at the moment, but the Jekyll parallel is the really annoying thing. My mind keeps wandering back to the idea of a post-modern 'they're reincarnations of the same characters' deal, but then my brain shouts "MOFFATT'S DONE THAT, YOU IDIOT!"

I never actually finished "my season 4" but I worked out the whole plot, just found it impossible to transcribe.

That's right, didn't you post your episode of "Conscience" not too long ago without telling me about it? I saw something amazing there not too long ago, anyway...


The final straw would be a Sontaran Rutan dogfight over some foreign isle (maybe South America, I dunno) and the Doctor would defeat the horrid woman, but lose his TARDIS (it would fly off to fix the time vortex but for some reason not come back) and the Doctor would die from poison or something, leaving Donna and her little Silurian egg to cope without him.

And that was just episode 12...


Erm... wow.

Youth of Australia said...

Well, I outlined everything so well I figured you could easily Ctrl+V and give an award-winning pitch to the Beeb and be rolling in a pig pen filled with thousand pound notes by next Tuesday..
Well, you made a fatal mistake in assuming I'd be that organized.

I'm interested in doing a few of them... 'Mycroft' is really strong in my mind at the moment, but the Jekyll parallel is the really annoying thing. My mind keeps wandering back to the idea of a post-modern 'they're reincarnations of the same characters' deal, but then my brain shouts "MOFFATT'S DONE THAT, YOU IDIOT!"
Maybe it could some kind of Phantom style 'every generation' thing, with Mycroft coming from a long line of Mycrofts.

Or maybe you could have Sherlock Holmes here and now, alive and real, but his adventures were foretold or maybe even a conspiracy.

NIGEL: Sherlock Holmes isn't real!
ANDREW: How do you know?
NIGEL: He's in books, he's a fictional character, books like two hundred years old.
ANDREW: How do you know?
NIGEL: I checked the wikipage.
ANDREW: And wikipages can't be faked?
NIGEL: My God... they've lied to us!
DAVE: Can we discuss this when we're NOT in a police line up.
ANDREW: You're a philistine.

That's right, didn't you post your episode of "Conscience" not too long ago without telling me about it? I saw something amazing there not too long ago, anyway...
Yeah, I did the first half of the ep, but never finished it...

Erm... wow.
But episode 13, that was when it went mad...

But I read Spara's version and my enthusiasm was skewered and left to bleed to death...