Hmm, I see that Claire Hooper has closed her MySpace. Is that where all the nude pics were?
Oh, and her 'site' is nothing but a single picture of her, with a link to her MySpace. A MySpace that is CLOSED! And she's wearing clothes in the photo.
I should probably also note at this point (or at another point soon to come) that I also consider her a uniquely talented comic voice and brilliant performer. And yet I still want to see her naked.
It's now that I have to also thank Lawrence Miles for posting on his blog (ages ago - can't be found now as he deletes the entire thing every second week and when he gets cranky) about his deep-seeded feelings of annoyance and resentment with all of the female celebrities announcing the fact that they are getting married, in spite of the fact that it was beyond unlikely that he would be able to get into any sort of acquaintance, let alone relationship with them. Because I feel that all the time.
Who knows - maybe it's a Universal sensation through humanity, but everyone is so embarassed by the sheer irrationality that they keep quiet about it utterly. I like to think that women were considering suicide when Dave Hughes announced his impending nuptials to the world at large...
This, of course, is related to Claire Hooper announcing her marriage to the world sometime last year, when I had only just gotten to know her. She had been coquettishly leading me on all that time, the tremulous hussy!
I'm probably quite mental.
What about that GNW? I watched half of last nights. Well, no, actually I'd say I watched 1/4. There was an ad break that lasted for about 5 minutes (Only getting ABC and SBS most days and generally only watching the Cricket when I do watch something on the 'real' channels mean that I haven't really seen ad breaks for the past three years and they have clearly grown...) and then, when the show came on, they were essentially running an ad break on the frigging show.
The segment with the frigging 'sound-proof booth' that isn't sound proof and it's very existence is never explained as it's completely unnecessary to the rules of the segment. Claire (nice link to the last bit) goes in, is gorgeous, is funny, I'm happy, she gets out. Good! Mikey comically refuses to go in the booth. But wait, there's something oddly scripted about the way Paul greets the news...
My jaw drops as I see the cross-promotion that I have heard so much about from my contemporaries.
Some old fat-ass actress from The Bold & The Beautiful (people WATCH that?) comes on and does a trick I thought only Chris Lilley could pull off.. she forms a comedic black hole and thus sucks the humour from the room. And disgustingly, the two female guests begin fawning over her as if she's some sort of goddess. I switch over to the ABC and hear Peter Costello talking about John Howard knew he'd diss the leadership if they loss. I turn back over. Fucking B&B stuff. I turn to Joe Hockey talking about leaving threatening messages on Howard's voicemail and being 'thanked for his honesty'. I turn back over. What the HELL?! - the two mad women are now doing some re-enactment of a scene from B&B?
ARRGH! Did nobody think that this would be alienating to people who, generally, don't watch midday soap operas? Say, people with broad minds, an interest in current affairs, in the age bracket of 18-30, say THE TARGET AUDIENCE FOR THIS SHOW?!?
I switch to Aunty again in disgust. Brendan Nelson actually being more amusing than anything on GNW at the moment through trapping himself in a convoluted web of double-talk, hypocrisy, and attempted fence-sitting all the while trying to big himself up as leader, coming across more as David Brent than anything else.
I switch back. Finally that fat fucking old lady is in the booth. Her letter is 'B'. The first question...
"What is your favourite TV show"
I nearly did a Levine on the TV.
For those of you who didn't get that reference.... eh, who the hell am I kidding?
On the subject of nerdy stuff, I saw an ad for "TORCHWOOD - the complete First series, finally on DVD!" I guess 'finally' because people who actually liked it can now watch the half of the series that Channel Ten didn't actually air...
What especially tickled me was seeing that the DVD contained a large blooper reel. I liked to imagine that it was a lot of stuff like this:
JACK: Ianto, no, you have to leave her!
DIRECTOR (V.O) : Okay, Gareth, you're seeing Lisa right now, and she's getting torn apart by the talons of a terrifying pterodactyl, screaming wildly, blood is spurting out of her bare, naked and supple skin and... is something wrong.
IANTO: Jesus Christ, John...
JACK: Hey, man, it's not that bad...
IANTO: (to himself) You need the money, Gareth, you need the fucking money. Come on, you can do this...
GWEN: So... who's the last person you shagged?
CHIBNALL (V.O): Pashed!
CHIBNALL (V.O): The line is 'pashed', not 'shagged'!
GWEN: But NOBODY says 'pashed'! Am I meant to be 14 fucking years old?
CHIBNALL (V.O): Swear jar, young lady! Do it again and you're grounded.
GWEN: YOU HAVE PROBLEMS, CHRIS!
REAL ESTATE GUY: There's something out there, you know. In the Darkness. And it's waiting...
REAL ESTATE GUY: Sub-prime apartment blokes, great deals. Want to see them? *snort*
OWEN: Oh, yeah, really funny.
REAL ESTATE GUY: I'm a fucking real-estate agent! How do I know about the afterlife?
DIRECTOR (V.O) Just say the lines!
OWEN: We've been at this for three hours!
REAL ESTATE GUY (collapsing in tears) 'There's something in the darkness', this is THE FUNNIEST SHIT I'VE EVER READ!
Has anyone else noticed that the Torchwood Novels, unlike the Doctor Who ones, don't have an official website? How are you meant to find out about them? I've found it easier to read up on Star Trek novels for Christ's sake!
I'm guessing that this means that they are NOT open-submission, like about every single line of books out there. Which is a bit of a downer. The only ones I've found that are are, again, the Star Trek novels. This has seriously got me thinking, in the not-too-distant past, about writing one about Harry Kim defeating an alien race that is, essentially, 'the Kromon done well'.
I can't help but feel that if I actually did that, it would have the same stigma as working as a male prostitute. Or writing the DWADs. (OHHHH!)
While I'm talking about things tangentially related to Doctor Who that we all hope will die off reasonably soon and in a fair degree of pain, I need to mention Benjamin James Sebastian James Chatham the IIIrd. (It's a rule that all ridiculously long and poncy names need to eventually end with 'the IIIrd' - we have been fools not to heed it!)
I'd like to give this secretive nod to the gods that ordian the madness that unfolds within a Chatham thread, as they have been getting more bearable of late. Recently they have looked like this:
SPARACUS: Here's my latest fic, folks!
LEONARD HATRED: *Snort*
LBC: Assualt! Assault!
JOHNSTONE: Spara, I have some suggestions for you... (*26 pages*)
CYBERWOMAN: I like Kyle. Ben sucks.
HASHISHADDICT: Well, I'm here too late to add anything meaningful. Erm... you're all homosexual!
SPARACUS: Thank you.
JOHNSTONE: As usual YOU DID NOT REPLY TO MY POST!!!
But the last few times I have visited the page I have actually been amused. Keep up the decent work.
Also, my dog is racist. Our paddock has been adjisted (it's not like adjusting) so we've had cattle on it. He's a brown dog and he has no trouble with brown cows, bulls and calfs.
But there's this one black calf. And he flies into a psychopathic rage everytime he sees it. Just like these guys...
EDIT: That's meant to be an embedded video there of something I found on YouTube. Due to my crazy dial-up I have no way of telling whether it actually worked or not...