Thursday, August 14, 2008

DOUBLE THE FIST!!!!

Christ I've been busy. Well, not busy at all by most human standards, but then by the standards of one Adwam Kazourkis [as I codenamed him at high-school] who has apparently been kicked out of his room by his parents into a tent in the backyard because he refuses to do any housework I should be dead with a heart attack.

Okay - two young puppies who require supervision when I'm home. Mondays - TAFE all day. Wednesdays - TAFE all day and half the night. Thursdays - working in a library. All day. Friday - TAFE all day. I feel like I've barely got time to type this because I've got about a dozen assignments to print off for tomorrow, at least one to finish and then two to start for next week. And over the weekend I'm going to have to spend a heap of time with the pups. And possibly fixing the chookhouse.

The more I think about it, my ideal lifestyle is living in a completely spartan solitary confinement cell with a nice warm bed, a discman for my DW audios and pen and paper that I can scribble on for a few hours, before telling the guards to forward it to either my blog or a publisher.

I mean, last week I went to a friend's 21st. And THAT was a chore. Not the 21st itself. Nah, that bit's fine - the getting pissed and shouting stupid stuff bit. But the next morning... it's complete rubbish. I should have just walked home. (2 hours? That would have been fine)

WHY is every day after the party the same? Everyone says that they'll be gone by 10 or 11. THAT morning, after they're up. They're sick, but they'll still make it out. They're getting a lift after all. Yet, for some reason, they're unable to remove their arse [figure a] from the seat [figure b]. It took about 2 hours for my mate to get his own room back, and then when we were in there there was about 12 people trying to fit on a couch and all we got to do was watch I am Legend over the space of about 4 fucking hours because there was an interruption every two seconds. One of these involved a fire.

Come 4.30, when I was basically told to piss off by a friend who was meant to be having a good time but was instead getting his patience comprehensively demolished by people being oddly hostile with no provocation, and I was the fourth person to decide to leave. Okay, I decided to leave because I was told to piss off but whatever. Because he'd mention his wares I asked about getting some files off his computer onto my portable harddrive. His response? "I don't have time for that"

My internal censor decided to cut down my response of "Don't have the TIME? You think I have the fucking time to wait for people I don't even know to finish puking their guts up? You think this is my hobby? Standing in the corner of rooms awkwardly while you talk with your parents and other people? You think I actually LIKE Will Smith? Why the FUCK didn't you put on Sweeney Todd? Oh, sorry, I mean putting a cable into a slot on your computer and pressing CTRL+C a few times will take about a hundredth of the time you demanded to take photos on the top of Westfield yesterday, and maybe a thousandth of the time spent staring into empty space in Woolworths! Nice going, jerk. Maybe next time you can find invite the not-quite-legal girls who will demand on awkwardly flirting with me all night and ACTUALLY show me their tits at the end! I might just have an adulterous affair with your girlfriend now, arsehole." I don't even know if I said anything, in fact. (Btw, that's essentially 95% joking)

In short, the entire thing reminded me of why exactly I live as a social hermit whenever I am able and also left me in a debt of time to actually spend on TAFE work and, by extension, this blog, on which I have spent very little time for a while. This, in turn, has left me quite frustrated and bitter over a few things and waiting, seemingly in vain, for things to get a bit better.

Then I remembered... IT'S DOUBLE THE FUCKING FIST TOMORROW NIGHT!!!

Apologies because the title could make you think that I somehow unlocked the greatest secret of the Universe and actually got my TV to show me the wonders of ABC2, but it's actually a case of me forgetting entirely about this golden TV show and only just remembering. I am in the dark as to what will occur at quarter past eleven tomorrow night... save that it will be AWESOME.

It is also worth noting that even the Guide itself decided to completely ignore the ABC2 debut, instead reviewing tomorrow night's 'repeat' as the shows 'debut'. For this, they have shown extreme Fistworthyness.

Unlike the spineless dogs behind today's Letter of the Weak..

All of you should have received an email already from "Hot Potato." Please, please read it and do what it says! It's not trickery or junk mail, it's legit stuff.

If you can't find the e-mail, check your "Junk" box - it may have been filtered and marked as spam.

I also forgot to mention that it would be even GREATER if you could upload a pic for your profile when you sign up, and if possible also use the website/write some articles/comment on something? The more you look like "real people using the website," the more my chances of winning are.

Kasekar Serion


Alright Kasekar, or should I say "Rod", YOU should have received an email today saying that I fully endorse the idea and have also invited some friends from FaceBook. If you happen to be living in a fantasyland because THAT'S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN! Pyramid schemes are the tools of the Nigerian royal family, officially ranked by the United Nations as the WEAKEST human beings on the planet, on average unable to thumb wrestle the smallest breed of guinea pig - AND THAT'S BLOODY SMALL!

I have, however, uploaded a pic. That pic is of your house with a little bit of my own, personal redecoration.



DON'T YOU EVER DARKEN THE PAGES OF THIS BLOG AGAIN! YOU MAKE MAKE ME SICK! GAAAAHR!


In all seriousness, DTF is such a balm for my soul that I'm hoping it will magically make everything cool again. I'm also hoping that it has a similar effect on a certain spoof-writer of my acquaintance whom I have detected to be in a similar state of disillusionment. Full fist, ABC. Double full fist.

8 comments:

Youth of Australia said...

I love this. I've actually been watching my VHS of series one (eps 1-6) compulsively. I've watched them so often they've become drama rather than comedy (bit like me and the Goodies), but I still utterly lose it sometimes when Mephisto goes nuts,

* the grenade
* the escapology lesson
* dropping random shit through a time vortex onto people
* LOG FASTER, DOGS!!

I just curse the fact I've lost the terrorist episode, as I was hoping to put the new series on directly after that and get the seamless vibe that I struggle so with Robin Hood.

I put on Sweeny Todd the other day. Due to my complete ignorance, I had no idea it was a musical. I sat there, boggle-eyed...

"Yes, Johnny, you've found your razor blades. That's nice. You can stop singing now."

I reached the bit where Famous British Bloke Whose Work I Probably Like But I Have UTTERLY Forgotten Who He Is drags some young sailor off the street for a discussion about catamites and Greek sluts. Like Mormons in reverse.

Then I just gave up.

My limited party experiences I have bored so many people with, I dare not repeat it here for the shame.

And, seriously, your Steve Foxx impression is incredible. Having watched it recently, I just loved the "or should I say, Rod?" and "GAAAAHRRR!"

And I spent over a year trying to do one vaguely convincing which consisted of adding the expressions "MAKES ME SICK!!!" and "FULL FIST!!!" to dialogue.

But I did a cover... must put that up on my blog...

But no. DTF has honest-to-god kept me above water when times are tough. I have not been happier at a show being renewed this much since Doctor Who.

Bush Bash deserves to be remade as Doctor Who adventure. It's perfect!

Jared "No Nickname" Hansen said...

I love this. I've actually been watching my VHS of series one (eps 1-6) compulsively.

You don't have the DVDs???

I've watched them so often they've become drama rather than comedy

I really wouldn't have thought it possible to watch DTF that often, lol.

but I still utterly lose it sometimes when Mephisto goes nuts,

Mephisto is one of the greatest comedy characters ever and I think it's a crying shame that the Chaser never got Doug Bayne to appear in any of their sketches.

(Oh, wait, actually I'll correct myself there... in the first season at one point there's a shot of Doug Bayne in a park holding up a sign saying "I HATE CHRIS". Which isn't the best use of his talents...)

* the grenade

Ah, my... even the way he says 'grenade' manages to be piss-funny.

* the escapology lesson

Are we talking about the strait-jacket in the burning metal toolbox? It's good.. but I prefer his 'fistworthy' version of knife-throwing...

"Michael is actually throwing knives at me... and I'm ACTUALLY throwing them BACK!"

* dropping random shit through a time vortex onto people

It's Steve's commentary that makes that scene.

* LOG FASTER, DOGS!!

Lmao.

I just curse the fact I've lost the terrorist episode,

O NOES! How the FUCK did you manage that man? That has to be my favourite one!

"Okay, Mephisto, have you eliminated your terrorist target yet?"
(*Shot of Mephisto carrying a sniper rifle as a farm burns in the background*)
"Nah, he wasn't a terrorist, Steve. He was an arsehole, though - we're better off without him."
"Mephisto, are you sure you've got the right address?"
"The address isn't the problem, Steve!"

And, you know, the end where Steve beats up the terrorists in a ridiculously over-the-top fight scene for the final five minutes, which involves him surviving a meat cleaver to the chest..

I put on Sweeny Todd the other day. Due to my complete ignorance, I had no idea it was a musical. I sat there, boggle-eyed...

I should clarify I haven't actually seen the film. But the DVD was in his car so I assumed I was going to get to see it.

But I did a cover... must put that up on my blog...

Ahh, lovely work.

Bush Bash deserves to be remade as Doctor Who adventure. It's perfect!

That was the episode that got me thinking about how with enough tricky camera work you could actually do a sci-fi show on a low budget for the ABC. And, by extension, got me writing my Calypso 5 scripts. So if that ever actually becomes a TV series, thanks directly to the DTF team.

Youth of Australia said...

You don't have the DVDs???
Shameful I know, but they're always seeming to be sold out...

I have the book though.

Mephisto is one of the greatest comedy characters ever and I think it's a crying shame that the Chaser never got Doug Bayne to appear in any of their sketches.
Oh, they lost out. He even does a mini-Chaser stunt in the last ep, striding stark naked through Central Station covered in blood screaming, "No, YOU'RE under arrest!"

(Oh, wait, actually I'll correct myself there... in the first season at one point there's a shot of Doug Bayne in a park holding up a sign saying "I HATE CHRIS". Which isn't the best use of his talents...)
He IS capable of more, as we now know...

Ah, my... even the way he says 'grenade' manages to be piss-funny.
The way Steve jumps back saying, "Uh, Mephisto, that's a GRENADE, mate..."

Are we talking about the strait-jacket in the burning metal toolbox? It's good.. but I prefer his 'fistworthy' version of knife-throwing...
Yeah, but the bit where the magician is handcuffed to a chain to a car driven by Panda, then escapes and starts to throttle Mephisto in the middle of an interview. The MAGIC... of REALITY!!!

"Michael is actually throwing knives at me... and I'm ACTUALLY throwing them BACK!"
"Was that you?" "Uh, no..."

It's Steve's commentary that makes that scene.
"Absolutely insane behavior from Mephisto there..."

Lmao.

O NOES! How the FUCK did you manage that man? That has to be my favourite one!
Well, it was the night they showed Parting of the Ways on the ABC and RAGE did a DW special, and due a mistake "record" was pressed at the wrong moment. I lost the end of Bush Bash too.

"Okay, Mephisto, have you eliminated your terrorist target yet?"
(*Shot of Mephisto carrying a sniper rifle as a farm burns in the background*)
"Nah, he wasn't a terrorist, Steve. He was an arsehole, though - we're better off without him."
"Mephisto, are you sure you've got the right address?"
"The address isn't the problem, Steve!"

LOL.
I forgot that, but I remembered "Grass roots action, Steve!" and "That's not terrorism, that's an act of supervillainy!"

And, you know, the end where Steve beats up the terrorists in a ridiculously over-the-top fight scene for the final five minutes, which involves him surviving a meat cleaver to the chest..
Slightly biased that he gets more fists in that scene than the others do in the whole series...

I should clarify I haven't actually seen the film. But the DVD was in his car so I assumed I was going to get to see it.
You are... not missing... anything.

Ahh, lovely work.
I think I'll print it out and replace it for the genuine cover...

That was the episode that got me thinking about how with enough tricky camera work you could actually do a sci-fi show on a low budget for the ABC.
Especially 4 years later, where half their big effects are easy. Mind you, I do love the really cheap stuff like "How Low Will You Go" or "This is your dog, Craig! This is a cake you baked for your dog, Craig! And this is me kicking your arse, Craig!" or "This is YOU, ABC!"

And, by extension, got me writing my Calypso 5 scripts. So if that ever actually becomes a TV series, thanks directly to the DTF team.

DTF - truly a groundbreaking Australian comedy series. And there hasn't been one of those since the Auntie Jack show according to ABC publicity (never heard of McCallif or the Chaser then, eh? EH??!)

Jared "No Nickname" Hansen said...

Shameful I know, but they're always seeming to be sold out...

I think I got it for my birthday..

I have the book though.

BOOK?!? Surely the written word is one of the weakest forms of artistic expression?

Oh, they lost out. He even does a mini-Chaser stunt in the last ep, striding stark naked through Central Station covered in blood screaming, "No, YOU'RE under arrest!"

LMAO. I love that bit. Made all the sweeter by it being pretty much his only scene in the ep.

"HETEROSEXUALS! They're all-"
BZZZZ!

Yeah, but the bit where the magician is handcuffed to a chain to a car driven by Panda, then escapes and starts to throttle Mephisto in the middle of an interview. The MAGIC... of REALITY!!!

Oh, how could I forget. Apparently one of several scenes in which Doug Bayne managed to injure himself. They talk about it on the DVD and show a selection of scenes from the show where you can see bandages being moved around his face quite a lot.

Slightly biased that he gets more fists in that scene than the others do in the whole series...

Hey, he DID save the entire planet..

You are... not missing... anything.

Fair enough.

I think I'll print it out and replace it for the genuine cover...

Now you just need something to burn to replace the genuine CD.

"This is your dog, Craig! This is a cake you baked for your dog, Craig! And this is me kicking your arse, Craig!" or "This is YOU, ABC!"

Oh, god, the memories...

DTF - truly a groundbreaking Australian comedy series. And there hasn't been one of those since the Auntie Jack show according to ABC publicity (never heard of McCallif or the Chaser then, eh? EH??!)

Did Michallef break any ground? I just thought he was really, really funny...

Youth of Australia said...

BOOK?!? Surely the written word is one of the weakest forms of artistic expression?
According to the preface - DON'T EVER READ THIS PREFACE AGAIN - "all books are weak and there isn't a thing in the world that's going to change that, unless of course you're using a book as a weapon or as a weight for resistance training. However, the simple fact that you're reading (word for word) the preface is already an indication that you are the weakest of the weak and I have nothing to gain from trying to impress you. Fortunately for you, you're reading the best book on that market and with any lucky we'll teach you to never read another book.

One night - when you least expect it - I will appear at the end of of your bed. I will have with me a gun and depending on how weak you are, a number of bullets - the weaker you are the more bullets. I will spin the barrel and shoot at you. Who knows - you may get lucky, you may not. The point is, you got to meet your hero before you die."

LMAO. I love that bit. Made all the sweeter by it being pretty much his only scene in the ep.
You know, he was doing those Alice in Wonderland scenes where I had to wait for the schoolbus every day...

"HETEROSEXUALS! They're all-"
BZZZZ!

LOL.

Oh, how could I forget. Apparently one of several scenes in which Doug Bayne managed to injure himself. They talk about it on the DVD and show a selection of scenes from the show where you can see bandages being moved around his face quite a lot.
Fistworthy.

Hey, he DID save the entire planet..
Gosh yes and I am glad that we get a new series instead of Paul Margrs writing an audio revealing that Steve survived to become an old age pensioner raising scorpions and trying to rape young girls...

Now you just need something to burn to replace the genuine CD.
Well, I'll type up a script of my spoof and give it to Chris Hale... or you...

Oh, god, the memories...
Suddenly thinking of that montage from Doctor Who Confidential...

Did Michallef break any ground? I just thought he was really, really funny...
Well, the "Weary Dunlop's secret life as a transsexual" gag smashed down the ABC's complaints department. The Chaser have been allowed to get away with murder in comparison, because the dept stopped giving a crap.

Oh, and Mephisto's letter of application to join DTF, translated from the original Wingdings font:

STEVE FOXX. I AM
GOING TO KILL YOU.
HERE IS MY AUDITION
TAPE. I WILL NOW BE
IN YOUR SHOW..DAVID
WNHM- CNR EISLEY
STREET AND VICTORIA
STREET- NEWTOWN.
PS-IWILLKILLYOU

Youth of Australia said...

Well, I don't know about you, but the first episode not only lived up to expectations, but surpassed it. In fact, my only complaint were the new hairstyles - surely Rodd was stupid-looking enough without the mullet?

Odd how the ABC only noticed the violence rather than the full frontal male nudity. Still... vampires, mass hypnosis, slicing a school friend's face off, finger-gunning Spaced homage, mime artists/panda slash...

You see, THIS is why The Italian Job never gripped me! It lacks all the elements that could possibly make it interesting!

And talk about setting up story arcs - Mephisto was screaming "DON'T LIE TO ME VAMPIRE!" in his first solo scene! RTD could learn a thing or two from these chaps...

Jared "No Nickname" Hansen said...

Well, I don't know about you, but the first episode not only lived up to expectations, but surpassed it.

Eh, I'll just have to say it lived up to my expectations. As wild and as funny as I expected, but it didn't really blow me away.

The 'getting the gang back together' scenes WERE awesome.

In fact, my only complaint were the new hairstyles - surely Rodd was stupid-looking enough without the mullet?

That he did, given Bryan Moses' incredibly goofy look. But, hey, they're allowed to change their looks in four years. (God, I can't believe it's really been four years..)

finger-gunning Spaced homage,

That was the bit I was sceptical about from the preview notes, because I know Simon Pegg is REALLY pissed off about how much stuff already ripped off that scene and I couldn't see how you could do it better... but they really did do something new with it. Full fist.

And talk about setting up story arcs - Mephisto was screaming "DON'T LIE TO ME VAMPIRE!" in his first solo scene!

Lol - apparently they talked about making Mephisto a vampire originally. A gay vampire. With AIDS. So fair enough.

Btw, I just thought - seeing as they're keeping a gallery of who wins the Full Fist, I'm wondering if that means that there's some kind of gimmick coming up. Hopefully not the return of Tina T...

Oh, and only just found your Trial 14 script last night. Man, you hide a lot of stuff in that site. Anyway, hysterically funny, but also a terrifying glimpse into the mind of Saward.

Youth of Australia said...

Eh, I'll just have to say it lived up to my expectations. As wild and as funny as I expected, but it didn't really blow me away.
Well, I have a rule of thumb that if I laugh so hard I suffer an asthma attack, it's above expectations.

The 'getting the gang back together' scenes WERE awesome.
Yeah. I was kind of hoping that that would be the whole episode, if you get my drift - Blues Brothers style. I loved how the Womp was the only one who remembered Steve was supposed to be dead and all the others had forgotten.

That he did, given Bryan Moses' incredibly goofy look. But, hey, they're allowed to change their looks in four years. (God, I can't believe it's really been four years..)
I know. It's not the change of hair I complain about, just what they changed it INTO.

That was the bit I was sceptical about from the preview notes, because I know Simon Pegg is REALLY pissed off about how much stuff already ripped off that scene and I couldn't see how you could do it better... but they really did do something new with it. Full fist.
Yeah, I think the spare hands (Doctor Who ref? Probably not, but you can never tell) balance it out.

Lol - apparently they talked about making Mephisto a vampire originally. A gay vampire. With AIDS. So fair enough.
Yeah, according to his entry in The Book of Fist, he regularly claims he gets mugged by vampires at ATMs and is a vampire slayer thanks to a Blade-style mixing of humand and vampire blood.

Hopefully not the return of Tina T...
I think Panda in this episode had more character and plot purpose than Tina T managed. Did she even HAVE a personality beyond refusing to shag Rod and be vaguely competent? No cut-away rants about life for her. They could have replaced her with Suzie from Fear Factory. Or, as I say, Panda.

Oh, and only just found your Trial 14 script last night. Man, you hide a lot of stuff in that site.
Still haven't reached 2MB of webspace, believe it or not.

Anyway, hysterically funny, but also a terrifying glimpse into the mind of Saward.
Yeah. At first I was just trying to make it a comedy, but rapidly I suffered the red mists.

Oh, and if you can do a better Steve Foxx impression for the post script (what am I saying? "If"!), I'll use it.