Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Alan Stevens is on my blog

If anyone else is in the mood to acknowledge this, please go ahead. But seeing as I glanced over his comment after coming back from two hours of lawn mowing and saw that his modus operandi was pedantic responses (who'd have thought it) I should respond to this:

Cynical? I'd say stupid, and a bit bitter, for some reason. What have I ever done to you, bar make a CD series which you weren't forced to buy, though somehow you seem to have bought and listened to every release, including the short play on the “The Actor Speaks: Paul Darrow” CD, despite having hated the first one so much that you feel compelled to deliver a two thousand, four hundred and twenty-two word rant on the subject?

1. I don't hate Kaldor City. Not everything's black and white. If I had actually written my reviews of Death's Head (from memory I think that's the title - Chris Boucher's one anyway) and Storm Warning you'd see that I hold at least two epiosdes of the series in quite high regard.
2. It's not a rant. If this should qualify, everything you have ever written in your life, including the play's themselves should be considered a rant.
3. I haven't bought nor listened to every release. (The one you specifically mentioned, in fact. Funny that)
4. As an extension to point one I have actually thought that Kaldor City could make a brilliant free-forming CRPG with the right developer and had actually wrote some stuff for a hypothetical seventh story.

If you're still here, Alan, respond to these points before replying under my name whilst copying-and-pasting 'Nope.:)' to simulate a conversation.


Anyway, how awesome is it that The Rani is finally coming back? What, haven't heard of that one? Hah, beat you in the spoiler stakes for once. For on Rani Chandra's wikipedia page there's the quote from Russell T. Davies saying she's "not the Rani". As we all know, the opposite of what RTD is almost always the truth, and why would he want to point out something so clearly apparent?

Rani v Brigadier v Sontarans. v Ice Warriors. It HAS to be.


Also, congrats to BBC Worldwide for making a DVD commentary so boring that even I can't bear to listen to it - Destiny of the Daleks with Lalla Ward, David Gooderson, and Ken Grieves. Grieves is a former cameraman, so his favourite topic is how much of a bastard it was to do ANYTHING in an old studio, and won't stop talking about it. Surely after 15 minutes straight he must have considered it would be in danger of getting old?


In an unrelated note to anything else, I today I feel a great surge of respect for RTD's ability to take constructive criticism and am in the mood to pirate some Faction Paradox audios.



EDIT: Sorry, that should be 'Alan Stevens is NOT on my blog'. 'Who's Gan'? For Christ's sake...

53 comments:

Alan said...

>ALAN STEVENS IS ON MY BLOG

If anyone else is in the mood to acknowledge this, please go ahead.<

Okay. Hi, I'm Alan Stevens. I'm no you blog. So what? This is the internet.

>But seeing as I glanced over his comment after coming back from two hours of lawn mowing and saw that his modus operandi was pedantic responses (who'd have thought it)<

All I did was point out your volume of errors. Just trying to help out.:)

>2. It's not a rant. If this should qualify, everything you have ever written in your life, including the play's themselves should be considered a rant.<

I never said it was a rant, I just pointed out that there seemed to be a lot of bitterness there. What's up?

>4. As an extension to point one I have actually thought that Kaldor City could make a brilliant free-forming CRPG with the right developer and had actually wrote some stuff for a hypothetical seventh story.<

Let me see it.

>If you're still here, Alan, respond to these points before replying under my name whilst copying-and-pasting 'Nope.:)' to simulate a conversation.<

Your review was poorly researched, relied on misinformation, and appeared to be just a tad vindictive. Eventually, “Nope” was the best answer I could give. Now, why bother reviewing something that came out in 2001? Answer, because it was written, in part, by me, and you wanted to have a go. If it's not clear from your review, it's certainly obvious from your correspondence with Ewen. So what's the beef? Is it the same motivation as Ewen, in that I've had a go at “Torchwood,” "SJA" and Nu-Who in general? The thing is, you then spend the rest of this post effectively accuse RTD of telling lies, and having a go at “Destiny of the Daleks”. However you then say, “today I feel a great surge of respect for RTD's ability to take constructive criticism,” and yet RTD doesn't take constructive criticism, unless you count listening to a bunch of focus groups constructive. And your review wasn't constructive, although I could say that I constructively criticized it.:) So, come on, spill the beans, what's up?

Youth of Australia said...

*embarrassed cough*
It's Storm Mine, not Storm Warning. Mind you, India Fisher in KC wouldn't automatically be a bad thing... unlike getting Keeley Hawes to play Anna Grant in the B7E Audios.

It's interesting you mention Rani Chandra, because I found a bit of fan fic a while back where the Doctor meets the Rani who has Chameleon Arched herself into a teenage girl and manages to steal the fob watch before she realizes the truth. And I think it's a far worthier basis for a SJA than Secrets of the Stars. Speaking of SJA, while Sir Alistair proved a kind of demented Captain Jack (watch him kick ass, blow up aliens, flirt with aliens and drive wildly in a Bently), he does absolute sweet FA that NEEDS the Brigadier. He could only be in it to introduce the character to newbies, like SJA did with the Sontarans.

But, Jared, if RTD writes the Rani... well... everyone thought Miss Foster was the Rani. Just saying it might be like that.

Oh, I have managed to pilfer every last FP up to Words of Nine Divinities if you want them for Christmas. And the sequel to Sympathy for the Devil if you're interested. And I'm looking forward to Jonathon Creek with Sheridan Smith in it. A chance to see if she's really like Lucie...

Alan said...

Hi Again Ewen

I think I could get to like it on here. Very dark though, isn't it? It's like you're all hiding away in a cupboard, or something. And "The Den of Inadequacy". I mean, come on, that's not going to help dispel all this bitterness, now is it? Also, what's all this anxiety about Doctor Who being a children's programme? Moffat says it is, RTD says it is, even Tennant and Eccleston agree, but why should that matter? Actually, the demographic breakdown indicates that the majority of the audience are over twenty five. Having said that, their's a huge dip in the audience between the ages of sixteen and twenty-four, and that curiously, is the one you both occupy. But don't worry. A couple more years, you'll be back with the majority audience again, and all that crap you're currently getting from your peers will just be old mental scaring. Anyway, Ewen, I'm just going through your scripts on your website. If you're interested, I'll post you my comments in a couple of days.

hellblazer said...

So what's the beef? Is it the same motivation as Ewen, in that I've had a go at “Torchwood,” "SJA" and Nu-Who in general?

This seems to me a long-winded, amour-propre-drenched, way of saying "Is it cos I is black?" And the answer is the same as the policeman didn't say aloud to Baron-Cohen: no, it's because you're behaving like a twat.

Actually, the answer isn't quite the same. Because unlike Alastair Graham, you appear to be an attention-seeking, passive-agressive, tedious, bilious sub-Dennis-The-Peasant, monstrously egotistical piece of work. Or you just choose to behave that way in the online public as a performance, which would just make you a c*nt.

Toodle-pip, and remember: facilis in Averno descensus est. Which of course you know, as you drag Dante's Inferno into your anti-SJS burbling, and feel the need for pointless Latin tags.

Oh, and hi ECC.

Youth of Australia said...

*waves*

Hi, hellblazer! Merry Christmas! :D

Alan said...

hellblazer said...

>Toodle-pip, and remember: facilis in Averno descensus est.<

What is it with some people that they so strongly associate themselves with a programme that they actually feel personally attacked if they read a bad word against it? What's even more perverse is that these people then actively seek out websites and comments, so they'll have something to get upset about. Now, that's a descent into hell. The problem I'm finding with people like you hellblazer, and Ewen and his four year grudge about some comment I don't even rememer making to him about "Terror of the Vervoids,” is that you are deeply and fanatically intolerant of other people's opinions.

Oh, you can express your own misgivings about RTD, but if anyone else does, you go literally mad. You try to cover it with pretend reasonableness, but it's so clearly fake, as you are incapable of engaging in any kind of rational conversation, and it all seems to come from a deeply ingrained self loathing.
Now, are all Doctor Who fans self hating individuals? I don't think so. I've met people who have liked Doctor Who and been perfectly sensible. So I suspect, and very much hope, that you all just belong to a very small, but vocal subgroup of immature bastards that have been brought together by the internet. Now, if the show ends in a few years' time, then it might be a blessing, as a lot of you will fuck off and start following something else new and shiny, but in the meantime, we appear to be stuck with a bunch of whiny, arrogant and incredibly stupid self pitying arseholes. And don't doubt for one minute, that I don't fucking hate every one of you. And I am not alone. You are hated far and wide. Even RTD hates you, and you're supposed to be on his side. He hates you because you don't think, he hates you became you're dumb, but the greatest tragedy of all, is that RTD has given up. He just doesn't want to waste his time crafting great stories for a bunch of unappreciative dullards. The kind of wankers who fret years of their lives away on UNIT bloody dating, but are totally incapable of seeing a clever subtext or subtle character point. You whine about minutiae and miss the big picture entirely. You want everything “explained” and served up on a plate, and it you're forced to think about anything, then you whine some more. My anger against RTD is that he let you fuckers win, and now you've got what you asked for. A procession of bland, shallow adventures that even cowardly c*nts like Ewen won't feel intimidated by. Well done. You win. Enjoy hell.

Youth of Australia said...

What have we ever done to you that you feel compelled to deliver a two thousand, four hundred and FORTY-SIX word rant on the subject?

Oh, wait, I don't actually care.

Darn, just missed it.

Miles Reid-Lobatto said...

One day, I will work out which is the bitchiest and hateful of fandoms, Doctor Who or Anime. But, in it's favour, Western Anime fandom is derived mostly of teens and college-age kids and so you can give them a little bit of leeway for acting like idiots. But then, I don't think we've had the Creator of Gundam SEED Destiny hurling abuse at the fanbase for thinking that his series was crap.

Unless I missed a meeting.

But, if you are Alan Stevens, which is totally possible, what is your obsession with Gan being a sex killer?

Alan said...

Well done, Miles Reid-Lobatto, for totally missing the point there. Gan? Whose that?

Miles Reid-Lobatto said...

Gan... from Blake's 7.

Youth of Australia said...

Oh, this is pathetic.

Own up, Alan. Who the hell are you. You're not the Alan Stevens of Stevens/Moore fame writing Kaldor City audios. You're fooling all your friends - precisely no one.

Take off the ill-fitting plastic mask of an intelligent analyst and reveal your true troglodyte identity or fuck off back to whatever cess pit was unfortunate enough to congeal your slithering obscenity.

Go forth and multiply. Elsewhere.

hellblazer said...

I have to dash off to dinner and can't be arsed to cut and paste from Alan's would-be-withering response to my earlier bit of grumpiness. Now normally I'm touchy and easily wounded by things like wot he wrote. Happily, he's so, so, so wide of the mark that I'm actually quite cheered up. Maybe I'll go through the instances if I can be bothered, when I get back.

As Terry Wogan once said to David Icke, "They're laughing at you, not with you."

OK, one cut and paste for now:
What's even more perverse is that these people then actively seek out websites and comments, so they'll have something to get upset about.

Physician, heal thyself. I've been reading BTS for a few years now, enjoying them getting pissed off by RTD and Doctor Bwilliant even when I don't agree with them. It's tediously belligerent slush from Alan Stevens that drives me to distraction, not any criticism of a show which I treat as a light diversion.

That said: "Alan", if you aren't Alan Stevens, I apologize for implying you're a c*nt. You might be one for all I know, but I was assuming I was addressing the c*nt who clutters up the BTS threads.

Youth of Australia said...

Well, "Alan" is obviously a fraud and the Alan Stevens on BTS is suddenly acting impeccably.

...

Dunno about you, but I'm freaked.

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