Monday, December 22, 2008

Inappropriate Epitaphs

Because sometimes I just get morbid.

For Sparacus

A thousand times before have so many ignored so few bickering over so little. But never before has it been quite as funny.

He couldn't spell Whovian. He couldn't spell smooth. He couldn't even spell his own name. But he didn't let that stop him.


For Paul McGann

Don't forget the lighter fluid.

DAMN IT, I JUST LOVE TOMB STONES!


For Graham Manou (he's a cricketer)

All he wanted was a baggy green. Now he does a fairly good impression.


For Nigella Lawson

Because sometimes, the worms should just spoil themselves.


For Russell T. Davies

He's not dead. Just resting. Come back in three years.

The butchest gay man to ever live. We salute you.


For David Hicks

Don't worry. He's used to it.


For Gary Russell

If I could be wanked by any fan - it would be him.


For Vladimir Putin

For those of you who wish to drive in a wooden stake, please form an orderly queue and follow the instructions clearly visible on the mausoleum walls. No time-wasters, please.

(Also acceptable for Phil Ruddock)


For Alan Stevens

Many would bring a gun to a knife fight. Nobody else would bring a chainsaw to a pillow fight.

It doesn't matter what gets said here. He won't be happy.

Now in a grotty hotel foyer with Gareth Thomas and Brian Croucher.


For Jack Black

Time tried to kill The Metal. Touche, motherfucker.


For David Gulpilill

Don't panic. His son can also stand on one leg.



I apologise in advance for this one...


For Helen Raynor

Now in the darkest alley of all.


I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry...


For Kevin Rudd



YOU WERE THE CHOSEN ONE!!!


For Seth McFarlane

You know.. this really grinds my gears.


For Myself

In a world that strove for mediocrity he... wait, what was I saying?


Seriously, though I like Helen Raynor's stuff. I need to do a retrospective on The Sontaran Stratagem.

10 comments:

Youth of Australia said...

Wow...

Probably for the best you put that apology in. I loved Ewen McGregor's insightful summary of the year's political landscape, and PMG's always raises a smile.

Why so bleak though? You haven't been reading my blog again, have you?

Youth of Australia said...

For Andrew

Don't worry - death feels exactly like it did before I was concieved

For Dave

When there's no more room in hell... I'll be the first one to find out, knowing my luck.

For Nigel

Don't try and eulogise me. None of you have the wit.

The Afterlife just got a hell of a lot more fashionable.

For Eve

I regret nothing...

...because I've paid off everyone involved, including the papers.

For Katy

HAH! Catch me now, Centrelink!

Jared "No Nickname" Hansen said...

Probably for the best you put that apology in.

The other option was not writing it at all. I toyed with that idea..


Why so bleak though?

Because this blog is nothing but an excuse to vent my deep-seeded self loathing. Duh!

Seriously, though, I wasn't thinking bleak at all when I wrote this. I don't know why, but my mind gets drawn to death quite a lot in a lot of contexts. I had a big goofy grin on my face when I was writing these.

Don't try and eulogise me. None of you have the wit.

That's my fave.

Youth of Australia said...

The other option was not writing it at all. I toyed with that idea..
Self-censorship? NEVAH!

Because this blog is nothing but an excuse to vent my deep-seeded self loathing. Duh!
NOT! Alan Stevens, is that you?

Seriously, though, I wasn't thinking bleak at all when I wrote this. I don't know why, but my mind gets drawn to death quite a lot in a lot of contexts. I had a big goofy grin on my face when I was writing these.
Well, that's the main thing.

That's my fave.
Then my work here is done...

Cameron Mason said...

For Cameron

Now someone else's problem

...

I couldn't resist

Cameron

Cameron Mason said...

I can't decide between Nigella Lawson's or Gary Russell's as my favourite.

Cameron

Jared "No Nickname" Hansen said...

For Cameron

Now someone else's problem


Ha! I like it.

Pleasure to have dragged you down to our level, Cam.

Cameron Mason said...

Ha! I like it.

I think it sums me up to a tee...

Pleasure to have dragged you down to our level, Cam.

You mean you've dragged me up to your level...

Cameron

Youth of Australia said...

Close your eyes and take a deep breath if the altitude makes you dizzy, Cam...

Cameron Mason said...


Close your eyes and take a deep breath if the altitude makes you dizzy, Cam...


The air...

It's so fresh and pure...

Cameron