Monday, March 9, 2009

A Small Victory for Juvenile Pscyhology!

Me, discussing seeing Watchmen this morning while waiting outside class:

JARED: Aw, yeah, it was an awesome film.

SOME GUY: Too much blue penis.

JARED: More like not enough! Queer. But I'm not sure it went down well.

SOME GUY: Why's that?

JARED: Well, there were about ten people in the cinema. On the opening night. And they all left before the lights lifted up for the credits. And most of them were crying. And on the way out we tripped over a guys severed leg with distinctive gnawing marks on it. But it was FUCKING AWESOME.

SOME GUY: Blue penis.

JARED: My point exactly. But I couldn't believe this woman who came in with two kids aged like 7 years old.

YOUNG MOTHER: .. is that bad?

JARED: Well, not necessarily. I mean, if you want him to see dicks, tits, more dicks, more tits, sex, impotency, people being burned alive, people being exploded in gibs, dudes bone's being punched out of their sockets, a chick getting the shit beaten out of her right before she's raped, a guy getting his face burnt off with boiling hot oil, and a guy's arms being cut off with a circular saw then that's cool. And also blue dicks.

YOUNG MOTHER: Aw, shit.


A child was spared mental scarring on my part! Huzzah! I'm sure I'd be saluted by the tireless authors of one of my many boring-day websites, Kids in Mind. Check out what they saw as the 'message' from Watchemn..

Humans are inherently savage. Deep, man...


Also worthy of note is one of the occassions when I reflect on the divergence between country and city life. This morning, walking across the campus I was having a lot of difficulty due to the bones in my back apparently being on fire, as they are wont to do. I thought to myself "What the hell? I haven't even been DOING anything! I've been reading, sitting around, playing computer games, throwing chunks of tree branch down the hillside... oh, wait..."

See, if there's a felled tree on a hill the best way to transport it as firewood is cut it up with a chainsaw (takes about five minutes) to separate the trunk and various branches and then bisect each, before picking up the resultant logs, hurling them into the ground and let them roll off into the collection area. It's quite effective so long as they roll the right way, and throwing around giant pieces of timber has to be my favourite way of feeling manly.

Another time when the oddity of country life struck me was when I had the maggot-ridden carcass of a dead chook out of its house, carry it carefully so that it wouldn't fall apart in my arms, and bury it into a pile of compost where the dogs wouldn't be able to find it.

Probably the best example, again poultry-related, was from just the other day wen I heard a terrible, chickenly scream race out onto the verandah, jumped off, and saw a goanna tearing into one of the chooks on the inside of the house. Raced round, opened the door, and grabbed on to the goanna's tail, pulling it into the air whilst trying not to snap the poor girl's wing off. This was whilst yelling out to my mother whether or not a goanna was actually dangerous. I found out later that their claws most certainly are, and that they typically aren't known for trying to devour live poultry whole. Lucky escape.

4 comments:

Youth of Australia said...

Well, that sums up the situation quite nicely.

Hell, the most disgusting thing I have to do is tidy up after my cats blood sacrifices to Cloister the Stupid. Particularly Frodo, who has decided the coolest thing to do is sneak into a garbage bin, pull out the gell pack from an empty meat packet (therefore covered in blood) and strut around in front of the other cats pretending he's slaughtered a mouse of something...

Oh yeah: update to the site in the form of Nick Briggs' Dalek Empire stories - memorably described as "Blake's 7 with Daleks" by, well, actually pretty much every single person to review them.

Miles said...

Am I the only straight male who really didn't care that there was blue glowing space penis in that film but did care about the overuse of gore?

Jared "No Nickname" Hansen said...

Actually the first bloke to comment on here certainly falls into that category, and as for myself - I noticed, but didn't personally care, but was irritated by the incessant giggling from teenagers whenever it appeared on screen (when I was trying to concentrate on the deep fucking dialogue in that Mars sojourn..) and the fact that it has dominated post-film discussion EVERYWHERE. It is noticeable, though.

When it comes to violence though.. I don't know, as I said to Ewen I suspect I'm almost completely desensitized due to stuff like being disappointed with Sin City's 'castration' scene after all the talking up it received. That said, I did find the close-up of lumped, mashed up gore on the roof of the pub after Manhattan blew up those dozen gunmen very disgusting and gratuitous.

Basically, I can handle gore (with the exception of Saw III which was just FUCKED) but I don't think it should be a given for films nowadays. So I guess I agree.

Cameron Mason said...

I feel an inappropriate Smurf joke is just around the corner...