Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Jumblebag of Toss

What's with the name joss-stick? It sounds incredibly rude. And does it have any connexion to Joss Whedon?

Note, I wrote connection that weird way as a spur-of-the-moment Tolkien tribute. He notably wrote it like that, the crazy bastard. But then so did Fred Hoyle. Who was probably even crazier.

*

My friend is now posting on Twitter, in character as a mentally disturbed sex-offender he has dubbed 'Mr Gun', a character he is attempted to get viral spread through the internet but I'm doubtful at the moment it's going to spread any time soon. Out of curiosity of what on Earth he would be saying on Twitter I thought I'd go and check it out in spite of my massive aversion to the entire concept of micro-blogs (as you might have guessed from my habit of pretty much never writing less than 500 words here). But, what happened next inspired me to rant at a random on my MSN. Black box recording follows:

That Jared Guy
Do I have to actually sign up to Twitter to read anything on it?

Lance
yeah, you do
but you don't have to follow anyone

That Jared Guy
That is the gayest thing I have ever heard

Lance
to like read the stuff that is
lol, yeah. I guess it is.

That Jared Guy
Why does EVERYTHING need an account now?
It pisses me right off
I've already got more accounts than I want to look after

Lance
lol
it takes like 30 secs to register on the site

That Jared Guy
Yeah
Then I need to remember the weird usernames I have because 8 billion people sign up to these stupid sites because they HAVE to if they want to read it, so it's something like zvzvban8776leetllamafucker@tipwickle.com
And then the password, because you're not meant to use the same password every time and they all have different strength detectors
Then I have to enter the data 30 times because they've got a code I need to enter in hotpink wingdings over a hot pink wingdings background because otherwise the spambots will get in

Lance
I am sure your usernames wouldn't be THAT complicated to remember

That Jared Guy
The internet's fucked
I want to make my OWN internet, where anarchy will rule all

Lance
LOL, indeed it is
but it can't get better
accept it
sif, it won't work

That Jared Guy
It shall work better than your face

Lance
LOL ok.... you can start up your own Internetz

That Jared Guy
And you won't be invited

Lance
but I am pretty sure it will be a network of 1 for a quite a long time

That Jared Guy
You're too much of a pawn of the corporate powers

Lance
lol


Plans for the JaredNet are still ongoing. Watch this space!

*

I'm quite pleased with my sprite work as of late. This is a rough paint-over, I admit, but I still think it looks quite cool:



*

Bloody hell, I've just realised I've got so many odd projects in my mind I've completely forgotten about Mycroft. I really should finish it. Here's an extract, the teaser bit that anyone could have written and from which you can glean nothing at all.


SCENE 1

(ACOUSTIC: Secluded area of parkland on a fine day - children playing in the distance, birdcalls etcetera. )

(FX: Footsteps across a gravel path, a page is turned on a newspaper)

PENELOPE: This is it?

(FX - newspaper being lowered)

CHARLES: Is it?

PENELOPE: 86-581.3

CHARLES: Looks like it is. Have yourself a seat.

(FX - Penelope sits down)

PENELOPE: GPS co-ordinates? Really? I thought it had to be something interesting with those - abandoned warehouse, hidden shipping container, a... I don't know a sewer? Instead, what do I get? Third bench on the bloody right.

CHARLES: Sorry, your file didn't say anything about liking sewers. I did bring a thermos, though - milk one sugar?

PENELOPE: It is. Rachel tell you that, did she?

CHARLES: Of course. Along with a lot of other things.

PENELOPE: Must take all of the fun out being a spy, finding out that your mark sits next to a blabber mouth.

CHARLES: Unless you arrange for your mark to sit next to a blabber mouth. A month in advance. Impressed yet?

PENELOPE: Well... let's say about halfway there.

CHARLES: Oh, good. I like it when they're hard to impress. Skip the entrees - how would you like to meet the most powerful man in Britain?

PENELOPE: (awed) The Prime Minister?

(Charles laughs)

CHARLES: You have a lot to learn.


Those GPS coordinates are probably bullshit because I have no idea what format they come out in, and it's surprisingly hard to find out online. Also, I wrote that nearly a year ago. Just a piece of evidence that I have actually done some of it more than anything else.



... bloody hell, looking at one of the text files I've found this exchange

A - Are you happy?

B - Depends on how you classify happiness. Is it a binary value, or a relative scale? Depending on that the answer is either 'No', or 'Less and less so'.

Which I kind of like. But who's A and who's B??

Ooh, here's a better one, with character names and all!


PENELOPE: So you do believe in conspiracies?

MYCROFT: That's a little like asking a fish whether it believes in water.


Apologies, because 80% of the show in my mind is characters trying to out-Boucher each other (minus the shooting parts) so if you're on the mailing list for when I finally finish the script you'd best prepare yourself for wanky dialogue.

*

My predictions for the next Test Match probably aren't worth their own post, as they're pretty basic. If Johnson plays, we lose or draw. If he doesn't, I'd say we win because England is not looking a convincing side Flintoff notwithstanding.

My ideal side...

Simon Katich
Phillip Hughes
Ricky Ponting
Callum Ferguson
Michael Clarke
Andrew MacDonald
Shane Watson
Peter Siddle
Ben Hilfenhaus
Stuart Clark

Please note: there is precisely zero chance that this team marches out in Birmingham.

*

Hey, I forgot to review Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince. It was really good. In fact, I think it's the best of the films so far (although I didn't see 5 so I'm not the best judge) simply for it's ability to stand alone. ie, I hadn't read the books and understood it. Unlike my friend and mother, to whom I had to explain the entire plot of The Prisoner of Azkaban, which apparently everyone agrees was 'the best' despite being incoherent and having the shittiest werewolf ever to appear outside of MST3K.

Because the adult characters are pretty irrelevant aside from Dumbledore and the new-teacher-of-the-year, in spite of encompassing Britain's entire A-list as well as the bloke who played Peterson in Red Dwarf, some comments on the young cast:

* I wish I had had the chance to go out with Luna.
* Lavender Brown now looks .. slightly odd.
* Neville Longbottom has screwed the entire story over by actually growing up to be both bigger and better-looking than the rest of the male cast.
* Rupert 'Ron Weasely' Grint must be loving the fact that he's the fucking co-star of one of the world's biggest movie franchises ever, given that he'll never be in vag-deficit again despite having a face the texture and colour of turnip vomit.
* The disgustingly handsome bloke hitting on Hermione who she hates due to loving Ron makes the above more humourous.
* Obviously Hermione is hot, we've said that for years and for me the age difference has even made it non-creepy! (according to my current TAFE class this is debatable. She's the same age as my now ex-girlfriend! But apparently the jury's out on that as well..)
* Daniel Radcliffe's acting is... you know it isn't terrible. But there's a notable deficit for a starring guy in these films.
* On the contrast, Draco's acting is outstanding, mostly because in the first films he is by far the hammiest and hardest to watch of all of them.
* I'm not a creepy pedophile. I've said that before but I felt it might need clarifying after that one two stars up. Come on, she's legal! I'm only twenty- huh? Where are you taking me?! No.. it's cool, I- argh! POWER TO THE PEOPLE! NEVER SURREND-kl;a.


YOU HAVE READ NOTHING
Signed, the author of this blog.

2 comments:

Youth of Australia said...

This post really reminds me of Family Guy last night where Peter tries to rape Chris' girlfriend when she's unconscious...

PETER: (to camera) Come on! It's just a cartoon! Don't take things so seriously!

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