Monday, December 7, 2009

This is that which fornicates with mothers

God damnit.

Once again, I have waited too long. Knowing that the BBC had an avenue for open submissions I didn't put aside the time I should have to finish a script I was writing that was as damn close to anything I've ever written in the first place. Now submissions are open... for British residents only. If I ever get a script made it isn't going to be courtesy of them, and now it's looking unlikely that it's ever going to happen. I really could have done without another reason to feel like my life has been a misguided waste of time.

All I've ever wanted to do is work in a creative field. Nobody has ever wanted me to. Not my teachers, not my family, maybe one of my friends and the rest thought I was just a fucking weirdo. So nobody has ever given me any helpful advice and I've just been pushed along inevitably towards a completely beige and fucking boring existence in the lower-middle-class circle of hell. I've spent a couple of years smiling and lying through my teeth that I'll be happy in I.T, happy in a library - well I won't. Not least because I'll hate the work, but also because of the fact that I'm apparently unable to get any job in the first place.

Screw that, I can't even get a Tax File number. They give everyone in school one except me, and then everywhere I go that's meant to stock a form for them I can't even get one. Rejected by fate and the NSW state government alike.

I wasn't expecting this to affect me so much. But I feel like I'm writing an obituary for myself. I pinned hopes on writing a script good enough to sell. To getting contacts from there, moving to England where there's work and carving out a living. I didn't realise what a small brand of hope I was relying on from the offset, for what should be easily attainable for most people but for me was an outlandish and fantastical dream. You can bet Bob Holmes didn't dream of becoming a script editor for a saturday teatime sci-fi so he could die a day or so after a talentless hack told him he couldn't write for shit, but even to have the oppurtunity was all I've wanted in life and I haven't even realised it.

Hopefully the new Scrubs will cheer me up so I can go back to living my life in a disgusting and terrible state of denial.

Apologies, this was meant to be a funny post.


NB: Actually, writing that out was kind of like an exorcism. Just ten minutes later and I feel a lot better. Christ I'm a mercurial fucker.

5 comments:

Youth of Australia said...

Struggling to think what to say to this (as screaming "Hey, they're making Carribbean Blue because they think it's 800 times better than any other script they've ever recieved - MERRY BLOODY CHRISTMAS!" probably won't help much) and I can do no better than to quote a gag from my long-abandoned Red Dwarf script...


Rimmer: You know, Listy, these days I find myself thinking more and more about death.

Lister: Oh, brilliant. Don't get morbid or anything will ya?

Rimmer: I remember when my bunkmate before you. He moved into other quarters. He died in a week.

Lister: What? He pine after you, then?

Rimmer: No. You see, he read somewhere that 99% of people die in their sleep at 3 am in the morning. So he was determined never to be asleep at 3 am. He wired up all sorts of alarms and sirens to make sure he was awake then, no matter what.

Lister: Did it work?

Rimmer: Not quite. He died at 3 in the morning.

Lister: Really?

Rimmer: Oh yes. See, his bunkmate didn't appreciate being woken up by a sonic boom at 3 am every day.

Lister: What happened?

Rimmer: He shot the annoying bastard through the head and went back to sleep.

Jared "No Nickname" Hansen said...

Struggling to think what to say to this

Sorry, I know I'm not meant to be the one who has the breakdowns...

"Hey, they're making Carribbean Blue because they think it's 800 times better than any other script they've ever recieved - MERRY BLOODY CHRISTMAS!"

What? Miles' people actually produce audios and it's not just an elaborate hoax? Well done, son! I should probably send him in that script I've had for ages as an effort to ego-boost myself..

Youth of Australia said...

Sorry, I know I'm not meant to be the one who has the breakdowns...
And that's only PARTIALLY coz you've got a flintlock...

What? Miles' people actually produce audios and it's not just an elaborate hoax?
I was getting suspicious too, but it seems unfounded.

Well done, son! I should probably send him in that script I've had for ages as an effort to ego-boost myself..
Oh, well, there goes MY brief time as the best writer they've got.

Still, they don't just do Doctor Who. You could get them to do Calypso Five! Or Mycroft! Or a Mycroft-Calypso-Five CROSSOVER!!!

Oh, and I saw a bit of End of Time today, when Wilf sees the inside of the TARDIS for the first time and is speechless.

"Yes," says the Doctor. "Bigger on the inside."

"I knew all that," replies Wilf. "I was just expecting it to be a bit... cleaner."

Jared "No Nickname" Hansen said...

And that's only PARTIALLY coz you've got a flintlock...

Lol.

I was getting suspicious too, but it seems unfounded.

Then I am to be swaggled with the nearest horn, 'pon my soul..

Oh, well, there goes MY brief time as the best writer they've got.

I do have to finish it first, thugh - you've got a good grace period..

Still, they don't just do Doctor Who. You could get them to do Calypso Five! Or Mycroft! Or a Mycroft-Calypso-Five CROSSOVER!!!

Yeah, I think Miles mentioned it... eh, might give Mycroft a go. Just as a one-off.

"I knew all that," replies Wilf. "I was just expecting it to be a bit... cleaner."

Brilliant. Though we should expect nothing less of a gent forged from pure Awesome in the fires of Mount Coolio...

Youth of Australia said...

Then I am to be swaggled with the nearest horn, 'pon my soul..
Course now I realize everyone will assume I was ripping off Waters of Mars now...

I do have to finish it first, thugh - you've got a good grace period..
That's it, you bastard, DRAW OUT THE AGONY!!

Yeah, I think Miles mentioned it... eh, might give Mycroft a go. Just as a one-off.
Oh, well, then it's BOUND to be epically popular.

Brilliant. Though we should expect nothing less of a gent forged from pure Awesome in the fires of Mount Coolio...
Ah. You know, wouldn't it have been brilliant if Wilf was in Planet of the Dead instead of Christina? In fact, I think the whole gap year could have been redeemed with the Cribbs as a regular...