Forgive me for the unprecedentedly baffling title, it made me laugh.
It seems that it's my turn to dream filmed media after bouts of far too much time spent in a sleepless state. Sadly, I'm not anywhere near as good a transcriber as my friend Ewen nor do I dream with an equal amount of clarity. What follows may be baffling, if my own reaction is anything to judge by.
The inspiration at least is clear, having just read Ewen's review of a film almost claiming to be a Blakes 7 sequel which would have possibly been more aptly titled "Nigel Verkoff vs The X-Men". Yes, that title also doesn't fit the story, but fits it better is all I'm saying. In fact, I started writing this in response to this very post but I could start to hear the text box groaning at the seams.
Anyway, last night part of the weird dreamscape I fell into (the only other bit I remember was it being revealed that the characters in Friends were all aliens impersonating humans which made the show suddenly cool) involved a REAL sequel to B7...
Essentially, I imagined my friends and I somehow making a BBV-style ultra-cheap but copyright-evading film called "Gauda Prime" with a weird split narrative structure. The "rebels" names were erased from the record, officially so they couldn't be martyred and are known only by fairly lame titles - The Leader (Avon, who I got to play because it was my dream), The Thief (Vila, obviously, who was played by YOU(Assuming that you are Ewen)) and The Gunslinger (These are kinda obvious, aren't they? She may have been my mate's cousin, not sure).
Details... were pretty vague. Each had a Pulp Fiction-style narrative that began with their name coming up with as a titlecard like Tarantino often does - I think Avon came first, as it would have been the first chronologically, and this was just my dream-consciousness plagiarising from that post-GP script Ewen started writing, where Avon wakes up in an abandoned missile silo-thing and is found by an enigmatically acting Vila and Soolin... except Vila and Soolin were replaced by Tarrant and Dayna... who turned out to be robots sent by Servalan. I'm not entirely sure if some kind of Logic of Empire stuff followed or not, but I'm sure it ended with Avon in a cell, laughing hysterically.
Soolin was doing the showgirl/hooker gig Ewen describes from a fic (I know, I'm so original!) and.. I don't know, kicked ass after that. The usual action girl stuff. Killed people while looking oh-so-sexy and buying herself a shuttle she could fly out of there.
More thought went into Vilas - he was after enough money to 'buy his own planet' as he had hinted at in the series and live out his days in luxury, putting it all behind him. When he gets involved in a planned raid on the mining facilities. Once again he's with a group of idealists out to fight the Federation (possibly a splinter cell left over from Blake's bounty hunters) but all he's got in his sights are the automated shuttle-containers that have the ore - hijack one of those and he'll be set for life.
Somehow Avon catches wind of this (the audience presumably wondering whether it's the real deal or a duplicate) and finds Vila in a pub. Vila is extremely sceptical that Avon would even be alive, but Avon manages to convince Vila he's the real deal (and presumably Vila would be the hardest person for him to convince). He goes over the details of Vila's plan, marking out positions with beer glasses, lamps, napkins, darts to the point Vila is getting a bit sick of it all. After carefully examining the pattern, Avon asks if Vila's intel is reliable. Vila says it's fool proof before giving Avon a datapad to check for himself.
Avon agrees, before pulling a complete SHERLOCK HOLMES on VR's ass, when he points out that the containers of ore head in to the facility and empty ones come out. The only conclusion to reach is that the area has been mined out and somebody in the Federation is 'seeding' it. (This is a plot twist I believe is stolen from the Dudley Doright movie - now there's embarassment for you)
This plot twists reveals... erm, not much because I remember very little after that. Avon does his trademark unnerving smile and tells Vila not to expect anything to be straight-forward. During the raid the genuine rebels discover ...erm... bad stuff in the secret facilites that have been hidden in the bogus mines. Possibly a next step of evolution in the Mutoids that Servi is planning to use in a coup to take the Presidency once again... or defeat the Helot resistance, could go either way.
Predictably it all goes badly, but Vila does get his container shuttle full of ore. More predictably, this turns out to be not so good. Upon course deviation a signal to the Federation orbit station has been sent, and it can only be de-activated from the inside. The lock system is one that Vila, to his disbelief, has never seen before. And what's more, he suspects that it's booby-rigged with an explosive device that will kill him instantly and render it sealed. At this point Avon does an appear-out-of-nowhere routine and bluntly tells his friend to stop expositing to thin air.
Avon pulls out a Giger counter and reveals that the material inside is extremely radioactive - whatever it isn't, this isn't what Vila wants. He calmly points out, though, that with a lethally radioactive payload and an ignition system, they've got the makings of a fine bomb on their hands. All they need is a target. Cue unnerving smile.
Obviously this is followed by a narrative strand entitled "The Commissioner" focusing on Servalan, now calling herself something else again, that ties everything together and explains just what the fuck Servi is up to, what Avon is up to, what happened to Soolin and how all the threads come together into an ending that justifies audience perserverance, presumably killing off Servalan once and for all and thematically capping off the entire series that inspired the idea.
Unfortunately my dream self decided to leave the theatre at this point and watch some porn on his laptop. Sorry about that.
Anyway, is the vaguely-proposed film above "Gauda Prime" better at least than "Recon 2023: The Guada Prime Conspiracy"? You tell me!