Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Jared Tries to Educate a Friend

In much the same way as Michael Caine tried to educate a hairdresser in Educating Rita, but with all the abuse condensed into the space of about ten minutes... it all started as most venomous exchanges do... on MSN...

After seeing and immediately joining a group on Facebook called "Damn Daleks just DIE already!" or something similar, I was disappointed to find that it was apparently run and consisting entirely of 16 young girls (no, younger than THAT, hence my disappointment) and so I went looking for intelligent conversation on the matter, with the one person on MSN I knew was a fan, at least of NuWho.

Jared
Daleks suck

Lance
Daleks are awesome
Hell, they are the BEST thing of Dr. Who

Jared
....BLOCK'D!


Blocking him was amusing for five minutes, during which time I got Facebook support from, of all people, the Villainous AK, my old nemesis. But like all things that are amusing for five minutes they are not amusing for ten..


Jared
You get unblocked for humourous response value
Messing with you is still fun

Lance
SIF doesn't cover it

[..]


Jared
But, no, Daleks should not fly
I can accept them hovering either other (sic) small obstacles or to navigate in the vaccuum of space

Lance
yeah, but they are more awesome though if they do....

Jared
But for them to suddenly become aerodynamic to that degree is ridiculous
It is completely devoid of awesomeness

Lance
otherwise - how the hell can they go up stairs?

Jared
They are meant to be tanks
Not B52s
..read what I'm saying, please, they HOVER
Do you not realise HOVER != FLY? (*Programmer slang)

Lance
well... I do
but hovering is essentially flying?

Jared
...no it isn't
By that logic jumping is flying because you aren't touching the ground
Hovering is suspending something a fixed distance above the ground using an opposing force

Lance
yes, but hovering is never going back to the ground
and would that suspension involve in a forwards propulsion ?

Jared
Flying involves creating a greater-than-opposing force underneath an object so that it can increase its distance from the ground indefinitely

Lance
"I can accept them hovering either other small obstacles or to navigate in the vaccuum of space" how can they avoid the obstacles if they just hover? without a forwards movement? which kind of implies FLYING

Jared
And if something is suspended via hovering, the two forces cancelling each other out, in Newtonian terms it's at rest - so if it has propulsion it would move forward whilst maintaining the distance from the ground
Okay, going by the Lancian laws of physics, if I throttle a hovercraft hard enough I can get it to take off and land it in Sydney airport?
Since it moves whilst hovering and thus flies

Lance
Meh
I honestly don't really care
it is just a TV SHOW afterall (*Complete coward's defense at point where TV show is no longer being discussed)

Jared
Your ignorance demonstrates that
Well, it's also a gross misunderstanding of physics

Lance
SIF

Jared
I am quite stunned you believe that the moment hovering is not stationary it becomes flying
Do you even understand how planes work?

Lance
do me a favour, block me - before I will

Jared
I don't care

Lance
meh, too late

Jared
OHHHHHHHHHH

The argument sadly derailed before I was able to compare his ignorance of physics to Adolf Hitler's ignorance of naval maneuvres, I made a joking comment about it on his FaceBook page assuming things would be smoothed over. Instead, he demanded an apology instantly, threatening me with deletion from his FB if I refused to do so.

An apology which, of course I provided in as simple terms as possible...


I have never been more settled. That said I don't particularly care if I'm deleted or not, really. I already saved that humourous Froot Loops photo of you for future use, after all. I suppose, though in the grand scheme of things your selective un-intellectualism evidenced in your surprisingly comic book approach to Newtonian physics when regarded at the same stage as your astonishing keyboard dexterity and rapacious appetite for coding perfection and also your +10 CH stat that has seen you through life so far is a very trivial matter that I gave undue attention to, and certainly did not warrant the pilloring that I thrust upon you as if it were a thrusting organ that I had a given right to thrust onto you.

When bearing this in mind, logically the fault lies with myself, and traditionally in our society, he who is at fault acknowledges this and express regret. The traditional phraseology, as informed by 3000 years of anthropological evolution I do hereby utter: "That was uncalled for, Lance, my friend, I am very sorry for mocking you unnecessarily, and I hope you can forgive me" At the same time as I have uttered this I have entered the words onto a fairly primitive input/output device that has stored these into octal numerical vassels of 'memory', and will soon trigger and unrelated mechanism that will propel these many integers to an exchange where they shall be re-routed to a mainframe whereupon you can view them in translated form. I hope you appreciate the extra effort.

Your servant, Jared Hansen DipLIS, CIIILISM, CIVPGM (inc), Esquire


So, it seems we'll never be talking again. I found it all quite amusing and it definitely filled in the time before QI came on.

15 comments:

Youth of Australia said...

What the hell does "SIF" mean?!

Jared "No Nickname" Hansen said...

As if. If this guy was in a sit-com it would be his catch phrase, it is something he says a lot, especially when it makes no sense in the context.

Youth of Australia said...

Ah, like Lano and Woodley:

'There was a ziffer in the back row.'
'Huh?'
'You know, whenever anything amazing happens they just go, "Oh, ZIFF!!"'

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