Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Wanker's Cramp (Or Blogger's Block, if you will)

"Dude, I'm like, fucking, Valedictorian at Harvard." - Jason Mewes

I have nothing interesting to talk about at all. So... you know.

When you're just wandering from working day to working day, to massive depression on the weekends and whenever you're at your house there's a massively demanding dog that isn't yours wanting you to throw a cong endlessly and you're still trying to work off a four-hour sleep deficit from the last night you felt like killing yourself there really isn't much to say.

I don't want to blog about my housemates, because it seems impolite and they're nice people. (And I've already been impolite about them on FaceBook)

I don't want to blog about the dog because I don't like him very much and he's much like any other dog, just stupider and with much worse ADHD.

I don't want to blog about why I'm depressed because as often happens when you have depression there's only 200-odd small reasons rather than one good one that just makes you sound like a dickhead.

I don't want to blog about TV shows because there isn't really anything on. I mean, IT Crowd was funny but definitely not mindblowingly so and Futurama is much the same.

I don't want to blog about the new Doctor Who season because I've got all the shit I wrote at home, and I need to watch most of the episodes again. And I don't want to watch them again because I suspect they won't be as good as I remember and I'll get more depressed. That and the fact that again, retarded dog taking up most of my free time.

I really, really don't want to blog about my upcoming birthday as it may be #1 on aforementioned 200 small reasons countdown.

I can't blog about any games, because I haven't had much time for playing them but also the computer I'm using can barely play a podcast and surf the net at the same time.

I would like to blog about Inception but sadly the film is inextricably linked to something that depresses me now.

I don't want to blog about my best friend's birthday, because they were a few of the 200 reasons there (The ones with tits) and that was also the night that made me want to kill myself that I mentioned earlier. Nor do I want to blog about my other close friends upcoming birthday because I uninvited myself, afraid that the same thing would happen again.

I also don't want to blog about the unusual coincidence therein that three of us have birthdays three weekends in a row, because it went from being a cool "Hey, we'll be getting fucking wasted this month" aside to a horrifyingly macabre paranoid theory of "Somebody up there desperately wants me off this fucking mortal coil".

I don't want to blog about the one thing there is to say about my 'love life' that I'm handling rejection well now because along with everything else in my life it feels over half a decade too fucking late.

I don't want to blog about work because I have a friend who got fired for that very reason. Interestingly, work is the only thing I'm actually enjoying right now.

Oh, I also didn't want to blog about my best friend because we ended up having a massive screaming match over absolutely nothing on FaceBook, presumably because we're both on edge. Though he doesn't tend to tell anybody so I figured he was just being a complete dick.

I don't want to blog about the Federal Election, for reasons that really apply to everything else, because everything I have to say has been said by others better.

Basically, I don't have anything to say because I'm massively depressed, which I guess stands to reason.

"I don't like watersports at the best of times. And these aren't the best of times." - Kerr Avon

4 comments:

Youth of Australia said...

Mmmm. It's clearly going around this Blogger's Block.

What can I say? As Guisborne would say, "You're the only thing that makes the internet bearable."

So...

1) YOU'RE depressed? You didn't have the last vestiges of self-respect scientifically stripped away to reveal you are in fact a nonfunctional retard with an arrogance based entirely on a stupidly verbose vocabulary

2) MASSIVELY DEMANDING DOG? At least it IS a dog and not a very confused CAT! And "demanding"? I need to wash, de-flea, put ointment on, feed and generally put up with two dogs and four cats - not to mention the strange dog that runs into the house at random moments entirely because they've fallen in love with me.

3) What the hell is a cong? Can it be smoked, perchance?

4) Your housemates sound nice. Well, that girl was nice in the brief second of passing you the phone... I THINK it was a girl.

5) Give the dog peanut butter and ice cubes. That'll shut him up.

6) You're not a dickhead. I know dickheads and you, madam, are no dickhead.

7) Yeah, TV's crap.

8) Well, I thought they were pretty good. Better than the Sci Fi Monthly getting Jon Blum and such lumini doing such a cliched "oh, come back RTD all is forgiven" schtick so badly I suspected someone was taking the mickey

9) Don't talk to me about 25th birthdays. I tried to kill myself with red whine, panadol and The Phantom Menace a week before hand. Thank god I had just enough self respect that I didn't want Jar Jar Binks to be the last thing these mortal eyes did see.

10) I Spy?

11) Inception upsets you? Heavy. It wasn't because we saw Tom Cruise being incredibly convincing at heterosexuality instead, is it?

12) Well, don't then.

13) Meh. My mum, dad and aunt had birthdays ON THE SAME DAY! Gemini twin stupid related incidents.

14) Kylie Minogue said it was never too late. But then she also said she couldn't get me out of her head. Ms. Minogue has a very cavalier attitude to the facts. I've never met the curly-haired pigmy - so how could she get so hung up about me? Hmm. Seem to have wandered a bit...

15) Wise boy

16) Yeeeesh. Got some Leonard Cohen playing in the background there, HashishAddict?

17) Watch the Chaser tonight. Might solve some problems. Or, you know, create more.

18) Say the word "Baboon" very loudly. It'll make you smile in the brief period you say it.

Youth of Australia said...

BTW, nice mental image I had that cheered me up:

Wilfred Mott watching the 2012 Olympics and seeing the Tenth Doctor lighting the flame.

Wilf'd be so happy.

Breakdancing could be involved.

Awww.

Jared "No Nickname" Hansen said...

lol, thanks man. That did make me smile...

Anyway, was going to respond to each point but only got so far... I really am short of steam atm..

1) Well... it hasn't been confirmed but that sounds like it could fit me pretty well too.

2) Okay, it's not an insane cat. But fuck he irritates me.

3) Lol, no it's one of those balls for a dog that's shaped like a beehive.

4) Yeah, she is very nice. She works late hours, though, so haven't seen much of her at all this week.

6) Good to know.

8) Yeah, I rate it very highly. I dunno, maybe I'm worried my current mood will be an unflattering prism for the show..

9) Good choice. Just as well you didn't have the Ep 2 DVD because Jango is definitely cool enough..

11) No, just that was the film I saw immediately before being dumped. It's hard to isolate the awesome movie from that.

Youth of Australia said...

lol, thanks man. That did make me smile...
Phew.

1) Well... it hasn't been confirmed but that sounds like it could fit me pretty well too.
Nonsense. You're clever, you are.

2) Okay, it's not an insane cat. But fuck he irritates me.
What's his name? Joshua Wynne?

3) Lol, no it's one of those balls for a dog that's shaped like a beehive.
Oh.

4) Yeah, she is very nice.
Hah, who says you can't make sweeping judgements like that and be completely accurate?

8) Yeah, I rate it very highly. I dunno, maybe I'm worried my current mood will be an unflattering prism for the show..
Well, review Big Finish PMGs. Then nothing will matter...

9) Good choice. Just as well you didn't have the Ep 2 DVD because Jango is definitely cool enough..
He the one with the voice of the Ood?

11) No, just that was the film I saw immediately before being dumped. It's hard to isolate the awesome movie from that.
Aw. Shit. Sorry man.

...

Wilfred Mott dancing!!!!